Life Is A Wonderland

Take care. I hope to see you soon.

2010-06-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

today just wasnt a good day.

well, i thought it would be. my plans was just to make you happy. same like any other day.
you would be on the top priority list.

but.... i'm just sad that the day had to end on a very sour note instead. never was it my intentions. never was it on my mind. and never would i wanna make u angry or sad.

all i wanted to do as talk. and make things better for 'us'.

you took my words bluntly as it was. and i guess it stabbed you.

i said i'm sorry. maybe to you.... sorry, an hour later just isnt good enough anymore. but i truly meant it from my heart and i seek for your forgiveness.

the reason why i'm always saying sorry is because, i really dont wanna fight. i'm sick of it too.
i just wanna make u happy and be happy together.

i know maybe i was wrong. but.... like i said. i hope u understand me and my situation.

my love for u is like running a marathon. maybe... now and then i'll stumble. or now and then, i'll stop and slow down. but i will always reach the finish line and complete it.

the reason why i said... "We're meant to be together. If only we met at the right time."
is because.... i somehow feel that... if only i had met you later on in my life... maybe we wont go through so much pain and hardship. maybe we would end up happier. based on the circumstances we'll be in. maybe even get married by 3 yrs unlike now.

marriage... if only we could do it right now.
but we both know its just not possible.
not yet atleast.
if i could... i would...

you'll be leaving for malaysia in a few more hours.
i'll miss you. without a doubt.
i'm glad i got the chance to see u.
i'm sorry i was a dissapointment.
but i just cant wait for u to come back.

i want to make it up to u.
whatever way i can.

this may sound cliche or corny....
but i really wanna say this to u.

i dont wanna fight no more
i forgot what we were fighting for
and this loneliness that's in my heart
wont let me be apart from you

I love you so much.
It'll only be you and only you.

I snapped

2010-05-27T07:24:00.004+08:00

a dissapointment is what i am. just a useless male.
i think i've failed as a son, as a friend, as a lover.

everytime is see that list of smses. i just go speachless. i dont have an answer why i actually said those words. things is, i dont even remember most of it. i was dazed. i was messed up. my mind and heart just went berserk, fighting a battle in me.

a battle of emotions.

i really lost it. i have to admit.
and its not a very nice feeling to be in. it's sad.

a mental state of mind that hurts so much. drained the soul out of me.

well, i've got no one to blame. except for my lousy self.
good for nothing, and never will be good enough.

i really cant explain why i did those stuff.

but, my heart feels relieved after that.
a clearer thinking.

but before that... i knew my emotions were surpressed deep inside of me. cause i kept it all sealed up in my plastic heart.

yes, plastic. my heart has been scarred so bad that a transplant was needed. to give me new life.
but still, it failed.

instead i dwindled. surpassing the worst i've ever been.

i think i try too hard.... but then again, i'll always ask. is normal ever good enough for you? is being me enough?
cause in the past... it didnt make u happy.

i try to be someone better. but it really takes a whole chunk of my soul out. but then, atleast i know it makes things a lil bit better for awhile.

yes, you were right. you made me prove myself wrong. i can NEVER change.
i'm sad that i cant. i'm sad that i just lost a battle with myself.
i was doing so well before. untill my emotions let me down.
i wasnt strong enough.
or maybe, as u would put it. i wasnt man enough for you.

i really tried. i really really did. and i though u had to know about it.
i dunno what else to do.

i cant even face you anymore.
shame. is what i feel.

i feel like walking away. cause i guess it could be over now.
u made your point. the words i said were just inhumanly harsh.
but then again, i told myself to never turn my back on you ever again.
and that i'll keep on trying.

but, i dont wanna breathe the air u dont want me to.
i cant believe i hurt u again.

this is just not me.
its a mistake.
a grave one.
one that actually brought me lower then it has ever been in your ranks

i stooped so low....
just because anger got the better of me.

you know me....
that man there isnt me.
i'm no a psycho.

i just want to be that joyful boy, jumping about all over again.
the last time i recalled, i was with you side by side.
and all i want now is to go back to the past.

only u can bring that boy out of me.
set my life straight again.

i dont want to be unhappy as much as you do.
so pls... bring joy back to my life.
and we'll live happily ever after.

i'm sorry.
i wish we could forget.
but i know forgeting just seems so impossible.
well, atleast forgive me yet again.
cause i mean no harm. honest.

i just wanna live my life with the one i truly love.
cause love is what i'm searching for.
and love lies in you.
RAFIDAH BINTE ABDUL HAMID

www.facebook.com

2010-05-21T17:45:00.003+08:00

its where i could just catch glimpses of your face now and then.
see how u're doing.
make sure everything is fine for u.
or at times just reminisce the past for a second or two.

now...
you block me off.
shooed me away.
and cut off connections that i use to rely on.

how could you?
am i that of a scum?
why cant i just see u online atleast.

secrets to hide... i wonder.
well, i hope not.

that was my last resort.
my last line.
my final way of just knowing that the person i love is still ard.

somehow....
my secret lil hideout, behind the screen, where i can just 'watch' you from afar.

you took that away.

i thought facebook was a social networking website.
SOCIAL.

you mean i'm a stranger.

oh pls dont do this to me.

p.s why do i always go down on my knees for you. well, it's because u mean so much to me. i need you.

I cried as i wrote this for you.

2010-05-20T16:44:00.005+08:00

i think about you when you're by my side.
i think about you even more when we're apart.
i just cant stop myself from missing you.

do you know how much i love you?
well, nothing on earth can ever compare the amount of feelings i have for you.

i've never loved someone so much before and never will i ever.
i really want us to be together. just me and you. my feelings for you never withered.

if only you could see thru my me and deep into my heart.
there's only you.

the girl i fell in love in december 2007.

i know the journey has not all been so smooth. we fight, argue, breakup, work things out and definately there are days that we both smile. i realised i may not have been great to you.
but i can tell you... i tried my best each and every single time.

i miss not having u ard. i really really do.
when i need someone to talk to, there's no more you ard. when i need someone to hug, i just dont see you anymore.

honestly, i'm not using you in anyway. it's just that i need you so bad in my life. i run to you for everthing. you are my guide. you are my happy pill. you give me my soul and allow me to live.

thats love.

well, i'm blogging back again. cause there's no where else i can express myself. i've got so many feelings and thoughts to let out. i need to shout and just let everything out. and of coz, i was happier when i was blogging with you in the past.

but then again..... nothing beats having you by my side.

i got so emotional this afternoon. i cried as i fliped thru your blog. i digged up past memories of us. the photos, the messages, the emails. all reminded me of the past i used to live. as i saw each image of you. a million thoughts ran thru my head. the story each photo held was so precious. every single detail just tore me apart and broke me down.

i know realised how much u actually used to love me.
i realised how much of a fool i was not to cherish u then.
i realised what you actually did for me. all the sacrifices and the time and effort spent.
i realised how lucky i was to have you whole then.
and how much both of us has changed thru these 3 years.

the question i ask myself... farhan, why now? why didnt i do this earlier. why was i so dumb and blinded. ignorant!!
i just have myself to blame.

i saw the counter, and it states 881 days. thats how long we could have or shld have been together. i somehow couldnt believe it either as its seems just like a month ago we started things off. cause the memories are still so fresh in my head.

2008 for me was the most memorable. you were the sweetest.

being in NS wasnt the easiet of things in life. but u were there to make things so much better.
2 years on now and i'm 15 days away from ORD.

and as i open my blog... i saw that picture slideshow that i made for us. such old pics. somehow it made me smile but then again it saddens me. knowing how happy we were before. pictures from the start of our relationship. at bugis street, our workplace, valentines, random outings and camwhoring, pictures of you posing for the cam.

that girl i see.... was who i fell madly in love with. innocent, sweet, adorable and always smiling. and not fogeting the hugs that u always shower me with. oh how much i miss that.

here are some of the pics i manage to salvage.

and i wish you would say this to me once again.
some extracts from your blog.

"today it was so sweet of him to keep msging me and stuff. im super touched. im really happy that i am with you 2 go thru this journey. i really love you and will wait for you no matter what baby. i cant wait for you to book out and 2 hug you baby. "

"i keep thinking about him. like what he was dooing at that moment. has he eaten? is he doing fine? i msg him in the afternoon but he did nt reply. he called me at night saying he too misses me. that waqs a nice feeling. will be patient and wait till his back on 20/06/08"

"talking to him frequently kinda make me not miss him that much because it somehow makes me feel he is still with me. with him not being ard kinda made me realise how much i really love and appreciate him being with me"

"farhan is angry at me because i cant send him off on sunday as i had singing performance. i wanted to explain things to him but i guess he's angry and tired. he switched off his hp. i will try not to be upset today because im picking you up from pasir ris!"

"i have to take those stupid big pills which i have problems swallowing. B... i need you 2 help me. i dont really care what happened yesterday, my heart will still be yours. u dont have 2 worry bout me leaving u becoz i have made up my mind 2 b with u till the end. i guess i acted dat way bcoz i loved u 2 much. im actually afraid of losing you... im afraid dat your feelings towards me will deteriorate. i really dun wanna lose you. u r my everything. i can never c myself without u in my life. i really love you."

"i receivedf a call when i was in HR. it was him! i wanted to scream and jump up and down but i was in HR. den he told me, 'im not booking out today, im booking out tmr' damn! i was silent because i didnt know how to react. i was frustrated and somehow disappointed but i just said ok and i hung up. den i went to office... i somehow felt like crying.. i tried as much as i can to hold back my tears. at night he msged me 'good night sit dreamz. i'll try to call you tmr morning. love you. cant wait to see u.' i was actually going to JB the next day."

"the sweet thing is that at cityhall mrt, as he coudnt send me home, he waited with me for my train. he keep telling me to take the next train when the train arrive. so it was after i think 4 trains den i left for home. he wanted to talk to me and he was super sweet. i love him because of that. i'm so happy that he is with me."

"he msg me 'good morning sweet heart! have u rest enough? everything ok?' i was shocked when i read the msg. it was nice to hear some1 u love saying dat 2 u."

"5 reasons.
1) u thought me to really understand what love is.
2) i feel lost n empty w/out u by my side
3) i learn 2 understand not only myself but you
4) learn nt 2 b selfish
5) there is no other person who would love me d way u do"

"the following day he kept msging me with 'baby! how r u?' or 'good morning sayang!' it really touches my heart how he really wants me to know that he loves me. he told me that he feels he should show me his feelings more. im happy that he feels that way."

after everthing... i just have ran out of ideas and energy left in me. i dont know what else can bring you back to me.

i really wanna love you all my life. all i want is you back in my arms.

i wanna start all over again and love u like how u shld be loved.
i wanna be that pillar of support for you.
be there when u need comfort.
and protect you from this world that we live in.
i want to be that man for you.

no more getting angry.
no more mood swings.
no more demands from me.
no more not being understanding.
no more lies.

just you and me.

p.s i love you.

Sacrifice

2009-08-27T20:27:00.002+08:00

after ndp, i thought my life in NS would go back to normal and mundane untill 040610.
but i guess my officer has other plans for me.

some of you guys know how much i use to want to be part of SPDS. of how i intially was posted there, given the chance but had it taken back only after hours of relishing the joy. then i thought my NS life was gonna be sucky. it took me some time and alot of brain washing for me to adapt to station life. and so i did.

so day by day... as i sit in station i would at times peep outside the door to watch the guys train at the parade square. wishing that it was me. i always wanted to get a hold of the MK IV rifle. and as the days passed... i kinda lost hope. that desire burnt off.

untill june came. i dont know how it happend and never did i expect it to happen but it did. SPDS came knocking on my door. asking if i would like to join them for NDP. and they mention this... 'its not a matter of how good you are. you just need to have the passion to excel.' and so i said yes. hence, there i was on the platform on 9 aug 2009.

yesterday, 260809... yet again i had to make a very difficult decision. there i was, doing my duty at 4pm, minding my own business. suddenly i heard... 'farhan, can i speak to you for a moment.' and deep inside i was like... 'wtf did i do wrong now?!' he looked at my uniform. i thought it was dirty or something. and then he said. 'eh farhan, where's your badge?' i was like... 'what badge?' only after 3 secs then did i realised he was talking about the spds skill badge. he said... 'you performed for NDP right? then u shld be have the badge cause you're trained.' haha! but guess what sir... yours truly was not trained.

hence, because of that. he insisted that i should join the basic course since i had the potential. hmmmm.... actually, i dont mind. but... what stopped me was the time of the month. no, i'm not refering to that ladies. i meant the sept period. fasting... and then followed by hari raya. being in the course meant that i have to train during the fasting period and then untill the end of the first week of hari raya. like WTF! initially i had already planned my leaves and offs for that period of raya. looks like it now has to be put on hold. ouh... and not forgeting the painful part. being a trainee all over again. it means... a monday to sat noon work week. aarrghhhh!! my freedom just
flew out of the window. all that sacrifice for one month. just for the badge on my uniform.

after i said yes... i thought and asked myself. did i made the wrong decision? is this what i really want. do i really have to strive so hard just for this period of 2yr service. i made my officer proud but am i happy with my decision?

its sad... i'll miss the first week of raya. and i'm sure i wouldnt be able to fast considering all the training under the blazin heat. how how?? actually... it doesnt matter already. its done. my name has been sent in.

if i'm not wrong hell awaits me on monday. or atleast next week.

by the end of that one month i hope i'm able to don the badge on my uniform. and somehow fulfill what i have always wanted. i'll be the only one in my batch that has that badge. would i feel proud?? i think so. we shall see.

oh ya!! not forgeting the horrible tan lines i'm gonna have too. esp the one along my face caused by the helmet strap. haha! i'm so not gonna take pics during raya.

okay.. wish me luck guys.

sorry if i cant meet up. i want to. but the nation calls upon me. haha!
i guess saturday afternoon and sunday are the best options.

ouh... and i'm kinda sad. i wont be able to meet someone that often anymore. i guess this 2 weeks have been fun. too bad its being short-lived. we'll see how it goes.

My diet regime begins tomorrow

2009-08-21T20:08:00.002+08:00

today shall be my last day of 'freedom'.
puasa begins tmr.
sad.

just when i was about to enjoy my single mingling.
time out with my friends.
looks like it has to take a break for a month.

i wonder how it'll affect my daily routine.
i bet the day will pass by so much slower.

no more visiting the canteen for milo peng, kopi peng, teh peng.
no more mid day snacks like hot dog bread, chicken fillet, pau.
no more visiting the smoking corner.

no more lunch meetings with friends.
no more dinner outside.
no more coffee chill-outs.

ok. i guess thats about it.

it'll reach a point where both parties give up. cause we're just not strong enough.

or maybe its just not meant to be.

Isit gonna be better this way?

2009-08-15T22:33:00.002+08:00

my volcano erupted the whole of yesterday.
i couldnt control myself.
anger filled me up.
i guess thats what happens when you pent up all your feelings inside for months.

i think i'm going back to my old screwed up self.
living my days in frustration, misery, emo-ing

i just feel so broken up inside.

i think my life is gonna be a wrecked.
i'm gonna give up on everything.

i feel so fucked up!!
why?

i'm still not satisfied after letting my anger out on others. i know its unfair but... i cant help but care.

i still got so much more inside.

right now... i just feel like drinking tons of beer and alcohol, then getting pills and get high. i need to numb myself from this pain i feel.
i think i'm gonna smoke my lungs till it burn tmr.
thats a start.

paracetamol is my new company.

11 Aug, 0107hrs

2009-08-11T11:44:00.002+08:00

This shall be my written prove.

That at this day and time, you decline my invitation.

I shall endure no more of this.

I thought you wanted to meet up so badly.
You shouted at me and blame me for not meeting up with u the other time.

But when I threw my ego out that window and went up to you to ask... You decline.

Well, don't blame me anymore if i'm not around.
You threw away that chance.

You only need me when you're lonely and in despair.

Like i said... I want you to want me.

It could have all be a different story if only your reply was unlike.

p.s COLD AS ICE

NDP 2009

2009-08-11T01:38:00.003+08:00

hey hey!!

how was ndp this year?
did u guys out there enjoy it?

its a new concept... something fresh.

for me, i kinda prefer the parade to be this way.

i've achieved my NS goal.
and that is to be involved/perform for ndp.
eversince i was posted to MP COMMAND, my goal was to be with SPDS to perform for ndp.
at one moment of the journey, i thought my dreams were shattered.
i strived on... pursued... and finally achieve.
i was called up to join the team for ndp.

it has certainly made an impact on my life.

i leave 9 august with pleasant memories.
the training/crash course i had to go thru, the days under the sun, late evenings at marina, saturdays getting burned.... all of it worth while.

but at times... i do complain. i had to endure so much just for that 1 min 30 sec performance. haha!

it all ended on 9 aug. 2 days ago.

i kinda felt sad.
esp when the whole parade ended.
to think of it, it'll be the last time all the performers will be standing on that stage ever again. thruout the whole jouney, i've seen familiar faces. made new friends.

during the post celebration that we had... i went ard with the guys, taking photos and just simply mingling. and... i cant help but to notice this someone. someone i'll never get to meet again.

and finally, i just wanna say that, this ndp experience i had is worth it. its something i'm gonna live to share with my love ones and even perhaps my grandchildren in the future. i'm also happy that the ppl that mattered to me were there to watch my history making performance.

big thank you to the guys from SPDS.
somehow, i wish i could stay.
i'm born to perform! haha!

Friends will never let me down

2009-08-11T01:26:00.002+08:00

days without her has been good...
back to the good old days.
freedom.

i have great ppl ard me. ppl who i can rely on.
friends.

my friends make me happy.
they are there to give me advice.
there to listen to my cries.
there to make me laugh.

somewhere i feel at ease... no stress.

to end the post, some words of wisdom,

*it isnt easy being hard on someone you love so much.
*but, if you dont do that, it'll be harded for the two.
*and if you're not hard on her, she'll never listen and therefore wont learn anything or wad more be understanding.

Words of wisdom

2009-08-08T15:49:00.003+08:00

an extract from my conversation with a friend

*the sparkles are there..
*it happen for a reason
*the reason is simply she cares for you..
*if not, she would have just walked away
*and never never come back...
*once the person is firm enuf, she wouldn't have come back
*BUT she did..
*and now..
*it's never possible to get her off ur mind or even heart...
*she made that impact in ur life...
*footprints and memories..
*ur photos with her can tell everything
*i can tell it clearly..
*that there's love...deep love

Am i lying to myself?

2009-08-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

it feels wierd to be at home so early tdy. time now is 2129. usually when i'm not in camp, i'll be out and about at this time. and only come back home at ard 2300-0000.

come to think about it... it could have happened.

well.... i'm trying hard not to think about it.

tmr's friday!! its gonna be worse. i took half day off just to spend time with her. but... plans have to change.

my whole lifestyle has to change.

17 Days Later

2009-08-06T20:23:00.006+08:00

thats how long its has been since my post on july 20th.

hmmmm... everything's pretty much cleared up now. sad... but my only choice is, no choice.

I was thinking about it last night in camp. my mind was at an emo state. could hardly sleep.
if i could get a penny for every thought, i would be rich by now.

it took alot of courage from me. to ask/say the things i wanted to say. i know it hurts to be direct. but... i'm so sick of being mr nice guy and not getting what i want in the end. why should the both of us live behind this curtain shielding us from reality and the truth. we keep running away from a solution and the problems goes unsolve.

one simple question... 'what am i to you?'
but your simple answer tells me everything. not forgetting how much hurt it caused on this already very much tattered heart.
i asked that cause... i just wanted the truth. i dont want to be that guy waiting... or being played ard. and the reason that made me asked it now is because... even underneath all those dears babyies, hugs, kisses, holding hands.... i still am not sure if u do love me. i want you to be with me cause u need to. when u answered me... 'i'm with you cause i want you to accompany me.' that was really.... OUCH! how could u say that? you mean all these while i've just been following u ard and nothing more. i dont understand.

i've done everything i could to prove my worth to you. to make up to all the wrongs i've done. but... i dont remember owing u so much. what more do i have to do to make u understand certain stuff?

i know what u dislike. stuff like... me looking at girls out there and me having girl FRIENDS. u could never accept it since we've met. you have always been the jealous/protective gf. i'm not saying its wrong or neither is it entirely right. but... i just feel that, you shld feel safe and secure with me. why do i say this?? well, cause... even when i do those stuff, in my mind it'll always be you. i've always tried to tell u that. i've done everything i could to assure u. i suggested u meeting up with my friends just for fun but u get so angry whenever i mention about it. i just dont like living a life having need to lie to you now and then whenever i meet up with them. i just dont like the feeling. and even if i look at girls... i never fail to praise you or to tell you that you're beautiful yourself. i've know my friend before i've met you. i've looked at girls for 21 years. its a very hard change for you to request.

i'm not boasting. but i just feel that u're lucky to have had a guy like me. i really did love u with all my heart and only you. i dont understand.. even so, you still find it hard to trust. then i wonder how the other guys out there do it. i guess.... like what i've always believed, good guys always finish last.

if one day we really want to work things out.... i guess we really need to learn to understand and trust. everything else... was fine.

well, looking back. its not really a lost. somehow, i've stepped away with a lesson learnt. it was my fault not to have gained her trust or to have lost her trust in me at the initial stage. and maybe.. i didnt take time to explain the farhan i am to her. basically... the mistake was the foundation. well, we learn as we move along. first it was maturity. now this. i guess and i hope i'll be better the next time.

hmmm... i'm pretty sure it'll take some time for me to move along. considering the dedication, sacrifice and everything else in the relationship. but i know i have to do it. its gonna be tough.

as for her... i dunno. i wonder how she'll be.
hopefully happier then before.

i kinda feel guilty doing all this. isit right? am i making the mistake of my life?
i guess i'll never know untill the future comes.
haiz... i actually thought my future was you.

i walked away from you. i'll take responsibility for that.
i'm sorry if i really hurt you. but trust me, it hurts me more to lose a girl like you.

our last quarrel together, our last meal together, our last train ride together.....

thanks for everything!

p.s sunday's NDP performance is for you. i did everything just for you to watch me on that giant stage.

Alil bit of everything

2009-08-02T11:50:00.002+08:00

hmmmm... okay. here i'am.

well, let me see. last night NDP preview was slighty different. security suddenly tighten, the fireworks seems to have some additions and the show was much more 'polished'. ouh!! and not forgetting, we manage to catch an earlier bus go back earlier as compared to the previous shows. thats good cause it means i dont have to rush for my last train or stay in.

next week is gonna be the real thing. and also the FINAL performance with SPDS for me. sad... but it has been a memorable experience. somehow my dream partly came true. i'll be proud to mention it as part of my NS story. after 9 aug, back to mowbray station for me. back to station duties, escorts, transfers and etc. i'll miss my rifle, miss being under the sun, miss my torn and tattered gloves.

moving on... i dont know why but these few days i've been tired. i guess maybe its the lack of sleep. hopefully next week will be better.

ouh..... talking about my NS life. i just realised. its 10 more months to ORD!! haha!! i know i know... to some it may be still long. but... i just felt like blogging it cause... in the months to come, when i read back my post i'll be smiling. thinking of how fast it has been. i remember... 4 post ago, i mention it was 1yr6mths. 8 months has passed. its always faster when u look back. once january comes... i have a lot of preparation to do for the real world.

this is random.... 5 August 2009. i had my first sheesha session. haha!

i'm heading off to CGH in awhile. visit daddy. i hope his condition is improving.
mummy seems tired too... going to and fro from the hosp and home. plus long hours just spending time with daddy. somehow... i find it sweet. haha!! i wonder if my future wife would do that too.

oklah.. i guess thats about it. back to camp on tuesday.

updates coming soon

2009-08-01T00:56:00.002+08:00

i'm super shag-ge-ed now. shall update soon.

off for NDP preview show later on.
i need to catch some sleep!!
or else maybe you'll see my rifle flying down the stairs.

good night!!

p.s daddy was admitted to hosp last night and had an operation. SCARY!!!

Back to square 1

2009-07-20T21:20:00.004+08:00

well... its been a long time.
as i look back, the last time i updated was on March 28.
today, its July 20.
its be how long?? 4 months.

i almost forgot how to blog. haha!

well.... i manage to get past the difficult part. (which is logging in)
now.... lets see if i remember how to do this.

hmmmm.... 4 months. and the topic i'm about to talk about doesnt vary much from what i published on March 28. funny isn't it. well.... thats my life. haiz.

yet again... i've lost my battle. the battle i fought and endured so much for so long. its just complicated. you know what, i think... we all shld get have a degree to fall in love. cause its just too complex for an individual to handle.

why does it have to be this way all the time? i thought there's such thing called a happy ending. what the hell happened to that? doesnt it apply the same way for me?

question i ask myself.... have i done enough?
the answer i tell myself... yes i have tried my best and done more then i can.
the answer you give me... i think you should just give up.

there's this saying that goes... i'll climb the highest mountain for you and bring the stars and the mood down. i think.... for me, i've done that in the humanly possible way.

i'd be there for u when u need me... i'd listen to you when u had your naggings... i'd be by your side when you're sick... i'd provide you my shoulder when u needed a quick nap. i'd bring u lunch and dinner cause i know you wont eat your meals... i'll spare and sacrifice time for you whenever i can... you know what... this list goes on and on. my point is.... i did everything for you. cause.... i know you're worth it.

i keep telling myself... the things i do for you can never compare to the happiness you give me. and that keeps me going.

i have to admit... i miss you whenever i dont get to see you. even for a day.
doesnt that mean love?

i just dont get it.... why do i love you so much but still, we keep fighting.

its been almost 2 years since i got to know you.... and 3/5 of the time, we're at opposite ends.
well, ppl tell me that... its all part and parcel of the relationship. its part of the learning experience. yes... i agree. but... if its happening everytime we meet. then, that's abit of a crash course dont you think so?
but even so... i still love you no less. thats just wierd.

i dont want it to be that way.... all i want and all i ever dream of is for us to be happy together. to really click and and enjoy one another's company.

its not normal, for the Farhan that ppl know, to settle down and decide on his future so early in his life. but then again... the Farhan now has changed. partly because of you.

you have changed me... and its not an easy task i have to admit.
its takes someone special. you have to mean something to me for that change to happen.

We get together... and break up. and the cycle will repeat itself. over and over again... dont you get sick of it? well, i do.

i remember telling you this...
- i've decided that i want to be with you and only you.
- i dont want anyone else but you
- i would only have you in my heart
- i dedicate myself to you
- i really really really love you.

why dont you believe me?
why isit so hard for you to love me?
after everything that we have been thru... i'm still here. doesnt that mean anything?

i'm not asking for anything much.... just you wholly.

give me time... and i'll show how much i can do for u.
just be patient.
like i've said before... i may not be the perfect lover. but i'm willing to learn.

I wonder how my life would be like from now on? It feels wierd without you.
I'm trying my best to be strong.
I'll be alright.... i think.

I'll always be here for you.

miss you

I thought my love was unbreakable... but i was wrong.

2009-03-28T02:02:00.004+08:00

Took my hand
Touched my heart
Held me close
You were always there

By my side
Night and day
Through it all
Maybe come what may

Swept away on a wave of emotion
Overcaught in the eye of the storm
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine
Believe that you're mine

This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time I look in your eyes
Oh baby, I know why
This love is unbreakable

Shared the laughter
Shared the tears
We both know
We'll go on from here

Cause together we are strong
In my arms
That's where you belong

I've been touched by the hands of an angel
I've been blessed by the power of love
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine

This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
Each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time you whisper my name
Oh baby, I know why

This love is unbreakable
Through fire and flame
When all this over
Our love still remains

This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time you whisper my name
Oh baby, I know why
Cause each time I look in your eyes
Oh baby, I know why

This love is unbreakable

My wants for 2009

2009-01-02T16:47:00.007+08:00

Its a brand new year!

1 year and 6 months to ORD!

I won't do the cliche resolution for the year and well wishes.

I find it all useless.... common... how many of us actually fulfill the resolution.

Instead.... i'll list my wants for 2009.

The list will run from the highest to the lowest prority.

We shall begin.

Sony Ericsson G700 Phone

To serve my next 1y6mths of NS happily. With its full range of features, there will not be a dull moment in camp. Plus... its looks good. And will be a great civilian phone too.

2
Myoplex Nutrition

Time to cut off the flabs... Lose weight... And tone those muscles in double quick time. I'm tired of working hard but seeing no results. Time to invest in some supplements to aid my training. And Myoplex Lite is the best choice.

PASS IPPT

Yes... i have to! Thats the only way i can enjoy my day offs. I don't wanna be stuck in camp for the rest of my NS term. Plus... I find the RT's useless and a waste of my precious time. So... Passing IPPT asap is so important.

New Laptop

yup yup... my current Acer is dying... the screen now looks like a barcode. New lines forming every month. It has serve me well.... Its time to let it go. But the problem is... i'm not really sure what brand to get? Shall i stick to the good old Acer... Or move on to a Compaq, Lenovo or Asus? I think this time... I'll suit my laptop more to Gaming. Any suggestions out there??

PSP

Hmmmm.... if u know me well enough, i've been aiming this for the longest time. But, it never got into my hands. very nearly... but not in my hands. And this red version is damn damn HAWT. Well, a psp will be a great asset for me. Any form of entertainment is.

Camera

I've always wanted these cool fancy smancy cameras. I 've got a thing for beautiful photography too. So... come to think of it, it'll be a good investment for me. Anyone wanna be my subject??

Alright... That sums up my New Year list of wants. Hmmmmm.... ofcoz, all these will burn a huge hole in my pocket. I'm sure i'm not gonna get all them... but atlest one?? haha!! We can always carry this post forward to 2010.

Thats about it from me now.... See ya!!

MP pop oh!!

2008-11-29T18:45:00.002+08:00

The trainee phase has officially ended... but, its not all a good thing. haha!

Posted to LECC. One of my first choice of posting. But nothing beats being in the Special Security Force. How i wish i was there... well, i guess its just not meant to be.

hmmm.... so far, life in LECC has been alright. Will be staying out till this coming thursday. This is the period where i start to get used to the new system and the new structure of the company. make new friends.... get to know the commanders and etc.

one thing saddens me as the first few days pass....
and that is... there will be no intake for SPDS. my dream platoon. there goes my hopes of performing in front of ppl with my rifle, doing the drills, sweating it out and losing pound off my body during prac and etc. why why why??? why my batch?

i guess.... like what my commander told me. just do my best and prove myself in any platoon i end up to. i'll only find out i guess ard 2 weeks later. wish me the best!!

anyway.... before i end my entry, i wanna thank my parents and fidah for being there on my passing out parade. it makes me more pround to be on the parade square even more. i'll update the pics here as soon as i get them.

Its Over!

2008-11-16T17:56:00.003+08:00

151108

The fairy tale has ended.

This time... there's no happily ever after.

all the best!

thanks for the memories!

goodbye!

16 days to my 2nd POP!!

2008-11-09T15:02:00.005+08:00

In other words... 16 days to becoming an official Military Policeman.

I have to say that i'am alil excited as the day draws nearer.

On 25th Nov 2008, I'll be dawning my customised MP no. 3 uniform together with the helmet. Looking smart and proud. Hopefully my loved ones will be able to make it.

The orange/black armband means alot to every MP.

It's also a sign of power and authority... which in hand means alot of responsibility.

As the pop date is nearing..... i'm wishing for a few things. It may or may not come true... but... atleast i know i tried.

One: Platoon Best

Two: Posted to LECC (Silent Precision Drill Squad or Ceremonial Guards)

Three: Posted to Special Investigation Branch

Four: Posted as an instructor in Military Police Training School

only 4 wishes... thats very minimal. haha! hopefully atleast one will come true.

(Ceremonial Guards)

(Silent Precision Drill Squad outside Istana during COG)

A tribute to my grandma

2008-11-09T14:24:00.006+08:00

Date: 041108
Time: 1615 hrs

We all knew that the day will come. It was just a question of when.
But still... when it was time, it still came as a shock to me.

Coincidentally... the night before, i thought of her for a second. Just wondering how she was doing. Never did i expect it to be a sign.

At the time the news was told to me... i had just finished my P226 technical handling lesson. All ready to change and head for dinner.... Untill, one of admin guys came up to me and broke the news.

If i could remember how my reaction was.... i think i just kept quiet for about 3 seconds. And then i ask the time he received it and what i had to do next. All that was in my mind was to get out of camp and rush down to my late grandma's house. So.... immediately i spoke to my platoon commander, my sargent.... and most of the admin procedures were done in about 15 mins. By 5.00pm i was out of the camp.

I wont deny the fact that i shed tears. It took some time for it to seeped thru. But when it finally did.... it was bad. I tried my best to control... but involuntarily, it just came down my face. I have to thank my mates who tried to console me and supported me. I knew i had to be strong.... But... i guess it was just too heart wrenching.

As i was on the journey home.... i felt all alone. I wish i had somebody by myside. During the bus ride... memories of the past just run thru my mind. I was reminded of how my grandma took care of me while i was young. The days where i would stay over at her place while my parents were working. Those days where she'll play with me, feed me and at times plant kisses on my then chubby cheeks. I still can remember clearly how it was last time. oh.... and hari raya was the best time of the year... cause granny will also give the most money! =) At that time... somehow i realised that i took all of it for granted. I guess.... its only when u lose something then you'll realise its worth.

Even till the last final moments.... i regretted something. I regretted not giving her the last kiss while she was on the bed. I didnt even touched her for the last time. I dont know why.... at that time i was reluctant. Or maybe i was just scared. once the burial was done.... in the bus.... i shed tears regretting not doing it. I'll never forgive myself for that.

Suddenly.... from that day onwards. I finally realised the reality of life. How it feels to lose somebody so close to u. The death of my grandma was my first. I lost my other grandparents even before i was born.

Somehow... this experience made me think. What if it happens to someone else?? What if my parents had to go?? I dont think there's anything i can do.... but to just cherish them now.

I'll miss my granny.
I never got the chance.... but.... i just want to thank her for everything that she's given me.
Hopefully life's better for her now.

3rd Week in MP

2008-10-12T18:49:00.002+08:00

hey hey hey!!!
how are my readers doing?
hopefully better then me here. haha!

anyway.... i'll be booking in in about 2 more hrs. let me just update alil about my life in camp.

week 4 is about to begin and major events awaits. first and foremost. IPPT this tuesday, navigation at the end of the week and then the most crucial one.... my field excercise the week after.

but the event which i wanna talk most here is about my range which happened early this week. i clearly remember my last range in BMT. which ofcos i did not do well. i barely scraped thru it. and this range i had for MP, did sent some nervous vibes. i was scared i'll do as badly. plus.... the range this time is gonna be a lil more tougher.

however.... somehow there was this push factor for me to get that marksman award. one... a cash reward. and second the prestigious badge that i will be able to don on my uniform. hence i was really determine to do my best and achieve it.

hmmmm.... to surprise.... by the end of the first day of range.... the night score was out. and i had 17/20. which means i could only afford to miss 4 targets for the day should. which is 12/16
and that was no easy task. i was very much pressured. all i could thing of before the shot was missing ONLY 4 targets. as my turned came, my heart beat faster. and as soon as i was at the firing point. i tried my best to regain my composure.

it seems so fast.... everything ended. i completed my range. all shots fired... but.... the results wasnt what i expected. i missed 6. and that explains everything. i walked back with my head down. knowing that i was so close to the badge and reward. so close yet so far. only by inches. actually.... by a rifle technical fault. all i could think of then was a wasted opportunity.

anyway.... its passed.
i've got to move on.

finally, i'll like to end this post by mentioning about my baby girl. these few wees in MP was not so easy. i was busy settling down and as for her.... busy getting used to life in Business Centre. this means... i hardly have time with her. even during the weekends. i miss spending time with her. her hugs, her smile, her laughter.... everything about her. how i wish my weekends were longer. its sucks booking into camp knowing u've just not gotten enough.

Baby... i miss you! but i know we cant do anything much about it but make do with whatever we have. i have to understand your situation and i can see u've been doing the same for me. anyway.... congratulations on your move to business centre. i'm so proud of you. you've really prove yourself to be where u are now. and i believe u can go even further. seriously, i'm happy for u.

thats about it for me now. time to get ready to book in.
see ya!

Wicked Aura's album out!!

2008-09-28T15:32:00.003+08:00

2nd chapter of NS life is about to begin

2008-09-20T16:43:00.005+08:00

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1.You are posted to SAF MP TS.
2.Your vocation is MILITARY POLICEMAN.

3. Your are to report to: Mowbray Camp, Guard Rm, 10 Mowbray Road (off Choa Chu Kang ay), Singapore 688255.

Reporting Date/Time: 22/09/2008 at 0800 hrs.

The above was what greeted me at about 10.30am on the 19th. It was my posting day and part of me was excited about it and the other was anxious.

Somehow i'm having mixed feelings about my posting. I'm not sure if i shld be happy or sad.

Before the posting day i did have a list of my dream postings.

1) Sispec

2) RSAF

3) Artillery

4) Armour

5) Military Police

Sispec would be nice. I was so determine to prove myself there. But i guess SAF has other plans for me. I guess the main thing that really failed me was my physical.

And as i compare my postings with my poly mates. I realised i'm so far off from them. Most of them are in OCS & SISPEC. Somehow i'm sad cause as i hear them speak about it, how i wish i can be part of the conversations. I'm surrounded by future Sir's, Commandos, Sargents, Pilots.... and here i'am a MP. It can be depressing to a certain extent. Its just a male thingy i guess. I feel lousy. But then.... i do have to applaude my friends and support them. They do have wat it takes and they have worked hard for it. I guess.... i'm just not good enough. To comfort myself.... i can say. I 've lost to the best.

On the brighter side. I guess MP is not that bad. I'll still do my best there. And prove myself worthy. I'll work hard. Its not for anyone else but myself. I guess every postings has its benefits. Everybody is diff and everyone is usefull somewhere. I just happen to be a Military Policeman.

I'll do it with PRIDE, DISCIPLINE & HONOUR!

Monday will be a brand new day. I'll be looking forward to it.

Wish me luck!

POP photos

2008-09-20T16:12:00.006+08:00

My Sargents (Sgt Shadrach & Fairuz)

Us together with CSM Me with my buddy

With Fidah and my mummy!

With the 2 ladies again

POP LOH!! With my beloved PC

Close Buddies

Dragon Platoon 1

Proudest moment in BMT

POP LOH!!! 100908

2008-09-13T21:07:00.002+08:00

the last time i updated was 7 weeks to POP. that was s0o0o0oo0o0 long ago. well, i guess i was just too busy to update during the weekends. and alot alot of things has happen since then.

anyway... the date tdy is 130908. 3 days after my graduation parade. the sweet memories on that day still lingers ard in my mind. it was a wonderful experience. a day i felt so proud. marching in and standing on the BMTC'S parade square. with my mum and girlfriend watching. yes.... i'm proud to say i'm a trained soldier now. and most importantly i'm a brand new man.

seriously, after completing bmt, i feel that the army is so essential in every part of a singaporean male. from the jungle training, obstacle courses, physical training and not forgetting all the character training instilled. it really changes a boy to a real man. oh.... and not forgetting to all the attached males, it teaches us to treat our girls right. and learn to appreciate her more.

well... since i'm talking about my significant half, let me just show my biggest appreciation to her. a big big thank you to her for being there by my side thru the 3 months. for being patient and understanding. being my motivation esp when i needed it. i can still remember... the 24k route march..... she was always on my mind, pushing me on to complete it. and finally, not forgetting my mum too. every weekend without fail, when i return home there will always be her at the door warmly welcoming me home. washing my dirty clothes and cooking the tastiest meals all the time.

anyway... with BMT over. the next phase is about to begin. i'll only find out my posting on the 19. i hope it'll be something i'm looking forward to. whatever it is... i'll do my best. i'll always remember this saying from my sergent.... "though times don't last, tough men do."

and finally, i have to work hard to keep up my physical. regular runs ard the park and visits to the gym shld do the work. i HAVE to cut down the tummy.

i'll upload the pics asap.

7 more weeks to POP!

2008-07-19T19:53:00.003+08:00

Alright!!! I'm back here updating my blog again. It's been a very long time.... till i actually had forgotten my ID and Password. haha!! Well.... with that all sorted out, i shall begin my post.

Hmmmm..... let's see. Since the last time i updated, 6 weeks of BMT has passed. And these 6 weeks can be very difficult to describe. At times.... its a breeze to get thru. But then, i have to admit there are times where being in Tekong truly sucks. I guess the secret of surviving is to adopt the right mindset. Think positive and look ahead. And it has worked for me so far. I'm getting use to life here. I can actually feel myself getting fitter. I feel better. And i think i look better now. Clothes seems to fit nicely.

Next week is our field camp period. 5 days in the 'jungle'. I'm certainly looking forward to it. It'll be a whole brand new experience for me. I hope i can survive. ouh.... and also to lose lots and lots of weight. Lately the progress has been slow. Hmmmm.... I'll just conquer each day one at a time. Once thats done, i believe i'll be almost there to complete my BMT.

I've done my countdown.... and it's 7 more weeks to POP! I simply cant wait. I wonder what's install for me. OCS? SISPEC?

Moving on, i shall talk about other stuff.

Every week as i return home, i have kinda learn to appreciate my home, the convenience ard and ofcos appreciate my parents.

Not forgetting my baby girl....
I look forward to book out cause thats the time when i can actually see her again. Spend time with her, enjoy her company. But at times.... i do feel that the time is too short.

And since i'm talking about her, i just wanna say to her that i appreciate her being there for me thru these months. It'll be over soon... Just have to endure there a lil longer. It tought for her as well as for me.

And finally... to my baby girl, happy 7 months anniversary!! I'll be in the 'jungle' on that day....

To end things off.....
My motto: Everyday... Stronger, Better, Faster.

First 2 weeks in BMTC

2008-06-22T15:00:00.002+08:00

I'm back everyone!!

yup yup.... finally after 2 weeks in tekong i'm back on singapore soil.
and i really have to admit..... i miss everything here.

the 2 weeks in BMTC was a blast. i made new friends, a whole new enviroment and definately a total change of lifestyle for me.

well, i'm getting used to it already. and at times it can be fun. but...... the only bad thing is that it drains all the energy out of me.

looking at the bright side.... it's making me fitter.
i manage to lose 4 kg after 2 weeks. which i feel is good progress. i'm aiming to be atleast ard 80kg after completion of BMT. and ofcos to lose the tummy!

ouh.... not to forget.... i finally got to whole a real rifle! the M-16 felt so good. but... i have to admit, i was a lil scared to pull the trigger even when it was clear.

and finally..... the most important factor while i was at BMTC would definately be my baby girl. she was somehow the pushing factor for me to train harder, run faster and pull thru the the days leading to book out day. yes... it was a terrible feeling not to have her by my side. but.... looking at it from another point of view. she'll see a change me week by week. so... i hope she understands. i know these 2 years while i serve the nation it will be tough on her.... but... i really want her to stay by my side to be the encourager and my motivator for me to do well. it'll all be over soon baby... by the end of it all.... you'll see a change me. from a boy to a man. i'll always love you and miss you. here.... i'll promise you that no matter how tired i'am or how busy i will be, i'll always give u a call, just to hear your voice and know that you're safe.

i'll be booking in in a few more hours.... till then... see ya!

Final post before ENLISTMENT

2008-06-03T01:46:00.016+08:00

alright... since the last time i've updated, basically i've been busy with preparation for my graduation, NS and not forgetting my OFFICIAL final day of work at Ritz Carlton.

so.... its clear that i'll be talking about these events on my post today.

and i shall stress this again... it's gonna be LAST post for now.

miss me!

First of all let me start with me drawing the curtains at Ritz.... 25/05/2008

It has been a splendid 1yr and 8months approx. working at Ritz. And its an experience i will never forget. Let it be the knowledge i've gained. Skills i have acquired. People i have meet and the guest i have 'WOWED'. All of it has made an impact on my life. Hmmmm.... perhaps, if all else fails i may return to the industry. haha! Till then.... i wish the Communications Dept. all the best. Thank you for all the memories.

It was tough for me during my last day. The walk out of the office really made my heart sank. I remember taking my last look ard the office and the hotel. And clearing my locker really marked the end.

(My Farewell Gift)

Moving on....

I had my graduation ceremony on the 29th of May 2008.

I've OFFICIALLY graduated from NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC with a Diploma In Aerospace Technology.

It was a somehow a touching event for me. Knowing that my poly life has ended. 3 years ago seems so recent to me. I can still recall my time in year 1. Meeting new people. Learning foreign stuff. And now... i'm happy that i've made it thru all of it and successfully completed my diploma studies. Yes... i have to admit that i would like to wish for better results but, there's no point. Lesson learnt. I'm happy and satisfied cause i know i've done my best. And i've made my poly life fruitful.

Graduation was a blast!!

(My buddies thru out the 3 yrs)

(Brothers)

(Tall people only)

(Shaz, the MOST irritating girl i've met in NP)

(Final dinner at BREWERKS before my enlistment)

And finally....

Prepartion for NS. Yup yup.... that big day.

So far i've brought most of my stuff that i need.

Just to name afew: Underwear, Itchy Powder, Deodorant, Shorts, Detergent, Cheap Watch, non-camera phone and etc...

All amounting to 80 bucks plus plus plus...

So... i guess whats left now would be clearing alil of my room. Arranging some of my stuff. And finally packing of my 'luggage' on wednesday.

Not forgetting... i'm preparing myself to get in shape by having visits to the gym and not forgetting jogging sessions which i'll be doing later on.

I hope NS will be a HELL of an experience for me.... haha!

Ouh!! To end things off... i got myself a car!!!

My Mitshubishi Evolution Lancer!

Remote Controled... Size of your regular handphone.

Its Fun!!! Go get it from JOHN LITTLE at the price of $9.50 now!

PS. Baby!! I'll miss you while in camp. It's gonna be tough. But i'm sure we'll pull thru. Anything sms me alright. I'll call you before my lights out. I'll still be there with u!

Now Playing

2008-05-26T15:50:00.005+08:00

I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THE SONG PLAYING RIGHT NOW ON MY BLOG TO MY ONE AND ONLY...

RAFIDAH BINTE ABDUL HAMID

Chapter 1: Define love....

2008-05-18T23:44:00.008+08:00

(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties

(2): attraction based on sexual desire

(3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

These are just afew of the definations that i've quoted from Websters.

So.... what does one mean when he/she uses the word "love"?

The answer here would be rather vague. No one is sure.

Hmmmmm..... you must be wondering why i started out my post with the above. Well, the answer is simple. I'm wondering.... what it actually means when someone actually mentions the 'i love you' to me. Or, does it even mean a thing in the first place. Or maybe it does... but.... others interpretation may be different.

I'm trying to figure out... how possible could it be that one says 'i love you' for that moment, but a second later, the phrase is just obsolete. Or one can just say the 'i love you' at that particular moment in time just to please and 'assure' the other party. My major qns here is... What happen to the feelings involved when one actually makes that declaration of love? Have they actually forgotten that words without expression is null. A whole quantity of no importance. How i wish one day an invention just like the lie detector can be created... just to detect if someone actually means it when he/she say the 'i love you'. With that.... i believe the world will be a happier place.

Okay... the next statement i'm about to state here may sound gender bias. But i'm just stating the fact.

Guys... you know girls always mention that they can never trust a guy when he says 'i love you'. Well.... girls, let me just ask you back. How much can the guys actually trust you when you say the 'i love you'. Yeah... girls are always seen as the sensitive, loving, sweet lil one. But that does not mean they can't lie. Am i right or am i wrong to say that? From my experience.... well, maybe its just my luck... I'm always the one being hurt.

Moving on.... since we're talking about trust. I do understand that trust has to be gained. Thats one point. But then again... Bottom line, doesnt it all fall down to the person rendering that trust. So what if one does all that he/she can to earn the trust but trust is still not entrusted upon him/her.

I believe i've made my statement here clear...

Love is so very unclear. No one can actually predict its course. You'll never know if that love is true.

Love is all about trusting.... However never ask someone to earn your trust when you're not gonna render it.

p.s This is just the beginning... Chapter 2 awaits

Random Thoughts

2008-05-17T17:39:00.004+08:00

Last night.... I did some thinking.

I was all alone... enjoying my beer as random thoughts ran thru my mind.

I was thinking about my future. Stuff like how NS will be like, continuing my studies at a uni, my career, my family, my girlfriend and not forgetting my friends.

I wonder how life in NS will be like for me. With the discipline, confidence and enduring qualities i've gained from my band days, will i be able to apply it in army. Next, i wonder how tough it'll be in there. Physically.... i'm looking forward to it. But, i'm scared mentally i may not be able to. As in.... my major problem would be my temper. I'm not someone that will hold back my feelings. Will i end up flaring up to my officers?? haha! i wonder. I do wanna make this NS experience of mine a fulfilling one. Being an officer is an aim for me. Either that or a posting in the RSAF. it'llbe a dream come true if i ever get accepted for training as a cadet pilot. But it depends if i'm able to achieve it. Bottom line is i do my best thruout my NS period.

Next, about continuing my studies... I really need help in this. First of all, i totally missed this year's application period. I was so unaware of it. If i had applied atleast i'll know how i'll fair. Well, now it only leaves me with next year to apply. Not only that.... i'm kinda having a dilema in choosing what i wanna study. Some of my friends are venturing into finance, econs and etc. Stuff that i dont have a clue about. Such as stockmarkets, shares.... blah blah blah. They did mention that if they were to have a career in it, it'll be a high paying job. Much much much higher then an engineer. It does sound tempting.... but.... if i were to venture into it without having a clue what it is all about... wouldnt it be risky? I may end up not liking what i'm studying. So shld i or shld i not?? Can somebody pls advise me. Should i just stick to my Aerospace Industry or try something out of my confort zone. I wouldnt mind hospitality. But.... i have to think about the money that i'm making out of it too. Sigh... so many considerations. I'll slowly but surely decide.

Thinking about my career... I really really really wanna be a pilot. But, right now.... i'm not doing anything to achieve it. Some may say its still too early. But come to think of it, some of my friends my age already has a pilot license. While some of them are enrolling into flying schools and the RSAF. As for me.... Literally, i'm not 'fit' to be a pilot.... yet. Next... i dont have the cash to enrol into a flying school. If i could i'll definately enrol into one and forget about my uni studies. Hmmmm.... If my dream of becoming a pilot ever fails. I do have my backup... and that would be an aerospace engineer. But... come to think of it again.... i'm not someone that can get down and dirty. I rather keep my hands clean. I'm more into aerospace design or analysis but in singapore there's hardly companies offering that. And finally... i cant help but to think of a career in the hotel industry. Maybe i've been spending too much time in Ritz that i've grown used to the lifestyle there. But then again... what do i wanna do there. I'm definately aiming nothing less then a managerial post in a hotel. With my diploma and experience.... I believe i deserve it. But... come to think of it again... even a manager's pay cant compare to an engineer. Unless i really make it big. But again... its a risk. What if i dont? So....should i follow the engineer path, which pays alot but not really what i wanna be in. Or the hotel industry which i'm confortable in but not a high paying job?? how how how??? help!

Moving on... things between me and my family have been good. I hope this time it'll actually last. Maybe its a change for the better. They give me my space as long as i respect them like they deserve. So i guess its a give and take kinda thing. I hope everything goes on smoothly from now on. Maybe when the time is right and once everything is stable and i feel comfortable, i'll actually introduce Fidah to them. It'll be my first time.... so i guess it'll be tough.

And since i mention about Fidah, why not i just elaborate alil bit. hmmmm... lets see, i guess having a relationship is never easy. And staying in one is even tougher. It really takes alot of everything. Compromise and accomadation has to be done... understanding... giving in... Basically, if you're in a relationship you'll understand what i'm talking about. I believe i've given my best into this relationship. And i did mention to fidah...i may have forgotten to love. But... it doesnt mean i cant. Maybe it just takes time. Patience my dear... I may need your help. Help me thru this. Sometimes there are times where you feel like giving up but... giving up just an easy way out. I believe in fighting for what i want. I'm holding on cause i believe there's a future for us. So.... Fidah.... Pls have faith. Its tough... but.... its thru hardship that we learn to cherish what we have.

Finally, to all my friends. i dunno why, but thinking back, i just feel so blessed to have the friends that i know now. You all complete my life. I definately cant imagine a world without knowing all of you. All i hope now is that they'll stand by me thru the years.

Post Bday update

2008-05-17T16:39:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm now 20yrs and 8days old.

Sometime around last week i had my bday bbq at pasir ris park. Well, alot of planning was done and alot alot of invitations were sent out. I was expecting atleast about 25 people at the bbq. But..... in the end the turn out wasnt that wonderful. However i'm still grateful for those 12 who were there to celebrate with me. A big big thank you to you all. And also thanks for the prezzies and wishes..... Not forgetting special thanks to my baby girl, FIDAH & also Nuraishah for the termendous effort to organise the whole bbq.

It was indeed a nice celebration... With nice food, yummy cake, great company and not forgetting the Johnny Walker Whisky. haha!!

Well, i tried my best to 'entertain' everyone. So.... if you think i've failed then i'm so sorry. Hope you all enjoyed yourself.

I guess the whole highlight of the event was the part when i started to get tipsy. The whisky was so nice that i just cant resist it. I think this is the first time i'm drunk 'public-ly'. So sorry if i created such a nuisence. But... i dont think so. Many feedbacks mentioned that i was actually very funny while i'm drunk. Some of them even feel that i should be drunk everyday. haha! how i wish i could.... ouh! and Fidah had a hard time 'controlling' me then. but.... i must say she did a great job. I'm lucky to have a girl like her. =)

When i woke up the next day... I was so shagged i hardly felt like moving. And i could still remember MOST of the stuff that happen.

I guess that was a memorable bday celebration. One i will not forget.

PS. i'll upload the pics as soon as i receive it.

Living my life till 5th June!

2008-04-20T14:32:00.005+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE!!!

It's been like almost a month since i last updated. hmmmmm.... i didnt even realise it was that long. Well.... I guess i was just too caught up with everything else in life. many events has happen. some i couldnt even recall. but..... anyhoos... lets see if i got most of them.

EVENTS MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN RUNNING ORDER:

Baby's Bday Celebration

Well, baby's bday was spent in a rather 'special' way. I hope she enjoyed it. The cake, the chocolate dip strawberries, chocolate platter and etc. Overall it was an awesome experience.

P.S. The Ritz experience.

SYF 2008

Every year i make it a point to watch the display band competition. Its an event that clearly holds a huge amount of memories for me. There never fails to be that tingling sensation whenever i step into the national stadium. But well.... that will be the past.

As for the present... things have change. Bands has evolve. People change.

Congrats to Deyi for their win.
Congrats to Springfield for the effort.

TK, I'm still a fan of yours.
Ping Yi, you've just got yourself a new enemy.

I just have a qns.... Why do ppl betray?

Anyway.... 2010. It'll be the year where Farhan returns. Springfield, i'll be back.

Letter from MINDEF

Finally, the letter that i have been anticipating is here. You should have seen my expression when i saw the letter on my table. Slowly but surely, i opened the letter. And deep inside, i was whispering... POLICE... POLICE... POLICE........ and, i saw a blue sheet of paper. Immediately, my hopes seem to be brighter. But... its only when i ripped that paper out that my hopes were dashed. I saw the SAF emblem. Well... it alright. I'll make do with it. What i was concern next was my enlistment date. Which is 5th June 2008, 10.30am. It'll be the day when i first put my feet on Tekong soil. The day where i'll be transformed... from a boy to a man.

Hmmmm.... i've always looked forward to NS. But eversince i got the letter, it's change. Somehow i'm scared. I'm reluctant. I'll miss everyone on the mainland.

So... for those who have not been getting alot of me, this is your last chance. Make your appointments b4 5th June.

Graduation Ceremony

Well, 29 May 2008 will be the day when i finally get my hands on my diploma. Together with it comes a Gold award for CCA.

Can't wait for the robe.

I guess it'll be the last few times i step into Ngee Ann.

Baby will be there too!!

Sentosa Trip

Well, as for this event... I'll update more on it as soon as i get the pics from baby.

But to summarise.... I LOVE THE LUGE RIDE!

Run!! I've got an infection!

2008-03-23T20:27:00.006+08:00

well, i know i've not been updating. i guess i've been busy with work and my baby girl. and plus, lately i've been sick.

i visited the doctor yesterday i got the worse news anyone can expect. once i heard it i was like.... "wtf!" well... lets do a lil flash back. remember earlier this year i did had a case of very bad cough. went to the polyclinic, had a check up and x-ray but it didnt show anything bad. after the medication my cough did get a lil better but... not totally gone. then... just 4 days back. i was under the weather. started off with an innocent flu, then cough. soon it got worse and my fever got higher and higher esp at night. i guesses about 39 degs.

when i visited the doctor, my temp was done by 1 deg. and after he did all the check up, he told me there was something wrong with my left lung. probably a case of Bronchitis. immediately, he rushed me to the polyclinic for an xray, which gave the doctor an answer. there is an infection at lungs.

the doctor was puzzled on how i actually caught it cause i'm not smoking, neither do i work in a polluted environment and neither did i travel overseas lately. my case is a mystery.

well.... after all that. a big hole in my pocket was burnt. had to pay about $70++ for both the medication and the xray. i was really very reluctant in paying.

(X-ray showing my infection)

(My new toy)

anyway.... moving to the better side of life, i wanna talk about me and my baby girl.

hmmmm... i know these few days have not been the best for the both of us. but dear... lets hold on together and make it thru. i'm not ready to give it up yet. i hope u feel the same way too.

baby.... think of the happy days that we had. i'm sure there's more to come.

all i need is trust dear....

i hope you understand....

that i'll always be yours...

Do this quiz!

2008-03-06T00:20:00.003+08:00

You Are a Dash

Your life is fast paced and varied. You are realistic, down to earth, and very honest.
You're often busy doing something interesting, and what you do changes quickly.

You have many facets to your personality, and you connect them together well.
You have a ton of interests. While some of them are a bit offbeat, they all tie together well.

You friends rely on you to bring novelty and excitement to their lives.
(And while you're the most interesting person they know, they can't help feeling like they don't know you well.)

You excel in: Anything to do with money

You get along best with: the Exclamation Point

What Punctuation Mark Are You Quiz

Singapore Airshow 2008

2008-03-01T00:15:00.021+08:00

alright alright... people are already complaining cause i've not been updating this blog of mine for a long time. well, reason is because i've been super busy working. and i guess i'm always home late. i hardly have time to rest. sad right?? dont worry i'm still alive and kicking.

hmmmm... lets see... before i touch on the singapore airshow topic, let me digress abit. as you guys know i'm done with school and now my life revolves around ritz. hmmmm... still a part timer cause i feel there's not enough time for me to transit to a full timer. and yes... still in the same department cause i was kinda reluctant to move away from my comfort zone although deep inside i really wanted a change.

and as for tdy.... its the 29 of Feb! yup yup.... cool rite. last day of feb.. which also means i'll be expecting to see my NS posting in my mailbox soon. somehow.... i'm hoping for POLICE. dont ask me why... it'll be a long story. yeah yeah... imagine me in the blue uniform. cool rite... haha! protecting your neighbourhoods. lol! but.. still i dont mind being in the army... and the airforce would be a dream come true but.... i know my limits. i dont think i'll be able to get into the airforce.

oh... and one more thing about the 29 of feb. tdy i went out with GF and her mum. haha! and i thought it'll be awkward at first but... well, i think i'm getting more and more use to it. maybe partly because her mum was cool. overall... i have to say it was a fun day out. nice lunch and dinner. can feel my tummy getting rounder after tdy. thanks fidah for the wonderful day out. i clearly enjoy my time with u and your mum.

alright... back to the main focus of the post.

the singapore airshow was great. honestly... as soon as i step into the premises i could feel, sense, smell that aerospace aura. from afar.. at the gate i could already have a glimse of all the aircrafts. original plan was to have a day out with GF there. but... there werer changes last minute and i ended up going with my EX-class mates. well, my main focus at the airshow was ofcoz the fighter planes. and not forgetting... the RSAF BLACK KNIGHTS. and.... i guess i was not disappointed.

here are the pics:

Videos:

A great Wednesday, Thursday & Friday!!

2008-02-16T01:17:00.002+08:00

Alright... Here's a quick update on my latest happenings.

WEDNESDAY:

Alright... this is the day of my IAP Final Presentation. And trust me... the days leading up to this was hell. Yup yup..... i was practically rushing and stressing over it. My final report was long done however the slides were not. I manage to get all of it done by tuesday nite at National Library with baby by myside. When all was done.... i was still rather nervous. I still kinda felt uneasy cause maybe i just didnt feel confident with myself. But on Wednesday itself... at about 10.00 am, there i was in front of the group presenting. Well... for me time just seem to speed up as i was infront there. But... not till i realised i took about 25 minutes altogether. And guess what.. the time limit was 15-2o mins. hmmmm... i wonder if they will minus marks for that. well... anyway, i guess its all over now. shall not think too much about it. all that i know now is that I'VE GRADUATED! no more sch!! and ya... those last few moments together as a class was rather 'touching'. remembering all the tough times we went thru together... those late nites at the lab/library doing our projects. they were all great times. i'll surely miss them.

here are some pics:

Thursday:

Happy Valentines Day to all!! yup yup... this year was nice for me. i got to spend it with my baby girl! overall it was a nice day for the both of us. i guess the most important thing for that day was us getting to spend time together. nothing else matters.

And, i got her nice gifts...

(blue roses thanks to ANNABEL)

(heart shape cactus thanks to CHARITY)

(us together)

Friday:

Well, as for friday... the both of us managed to spend quality time together. it was nice. =P

how i wish everyday could be like that.

(we love to pose for the camera)

Wondering thoughts

2008-02-09T13:16:00.000+08:00

well, lets see...

lately i've been fairly occupied by work. yup... it can be said that 83.56% of my time is spent at the office. and out of the 83.56%, 68.39% of the time i'm on shift. well, that leaves with a percentage where i'm actually there but.... not contributing. if you know what i mean. matter of fact... as i'm typing this, i'm in ritz.

ladies and gentleman....
there's a reason why all these is happening i guess. usually... i would be heading home or having my own plans when i end work at either 3 or 11. but... i guess for now.... after work i'll usually hang ard. reason because... baby girl is working. yup yup. my 'motivation' to stay in the office. and one way or another... to be honest.... my 'pulling factor' to work.

well, i guess.... to make things work... somehow one has to sacrifice, give in and etc. and yes, i'm sacrificing to make things better i guess. considering we hardly have time to go out and all... so i suppose work is the only place we can spend more time together.

i feel that it does has its pros and cons....
the good side of it will be that i get to know her better... we interact with each other. we share our thoughts and all.
but the bad side of it will be.... we somehow will tend to get into lil quarrels, she see's the 'ugly' side of me, we disagree on certain views and etc.
so... i guess.... living this relationship is like a balancing scale. there's two side to it. and i guess we need a lil bit of both.

and lately.... i mean... just last nite. i had a chat with diyanah in the office. well, somewhat like a counselling session. haha! she mentioned something that i dont quiet agree with but i somehow i feel that it is needed if i want the relationship to work out. well, to summarise everything.... she mentioned that as a guy.... i have to ALWAYS to give in. no matter what she does or watever. reason to it.... i'm the MAN in the relationship. if i dont be that pillar of support where she can lean on? if i get angry or turn my back on her... she may not feel that i'll be there for her and she'll end up not opening up to me. and definately.... thats not what i want. i want my girl to open up, share her thoughts, feeling, opnions.... only then we can know each other much much better. but then again.... when you think of it... its kinda unfair. girls always get away with it. reason given by diyanah.... is that they are weaker. and being the MAN i have to be STRONG. i'am a man. but does that mean i cant have feelings too? i cant be upset? i cant be dissapointed? i'm still human afterall right? and being me.... i have lots of emotions. haiz.... i'm in a lil dilema.... shld i change and be someone i'm not because it is for the better. or... should i be myself and hopefully my partner will learn to accept me. honestly... i wont mind changing. but it will be hard for me. but i guess.... again, the word SACRIFICE comes in.

to end it off...
"i've done everything i can to make you happy... and i promise i wont stop there. i've ventured into this journey with you... and i'll promise it'll be till the end."
i hope you'll take me for me....

and yes.... for now.... i'll try my best not to be angry with her. i'll just keep it inside. we'll see if it work this way.

ps. i'll talk about my $5000 job offer in my next post. so... stay tuned

A great week has passed...

2008-02-04T07:56:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!!!

guess who's back!

its me again!
your friendly blogger.....

well, i guess there are several reasons why i was not in action here for awhile. but.... before we go there... i would like to mention something.

I'VE UNOFFICIALLY GRADUATED FROM NGEE ANN POLY!!

yup yup....

attachment just ended on last friday 1/2/2008. and i guess thats partly one of the reasons i was busy. i was practically trying to clear all outstanding work and also not forgetting my final report. by thursday i was kinda all ready to leave. but.... looking at my report, i'm scared that its not good enough. on the other hand, my supervisor reviewed and said that it was well done. hmmmm....but, reliability is one thing. i feel that my report is kinda short... its about 43 pages for now. while my other classmates have atleast 90. but then again... its about quality not quantity rite. hmmmmm.... thats what i choose to believe atleast. anyway.... fast forwarding to what happened on friday... when the clock was almost striking 12 noon. i did feel a lil sense of sadnesss to leave the company. believe it or not.... haha! ya... i know i feel that the company is not my no. 1 choice but however.... the people that i've met there are great in one way or another. yes... i do get all the shit work, boring days in the office and all.... but come to think of it... without the company i would not have learned all the knowledge from Indeco. honestly, i feel that it was a very pleasant experience there. my upmost gratitude to all the staff and people at Indeco whom have made a difference somehow.

hmmmm... well, attachment may be over but... apparently NGEE ANN loves torturing their students. so... they decided to lengthen our stay by making the FINAL PRESENTATION on 13 feb 2008. haiz.... i dunno if its a good thing or not. but anyway, on a positive note, it gives me time to prepare my slides. cause... on 13 feb, it'll be judgement day. i hope all goes well... i need my A. wish me luck!!

well, on friday itself. the class planned a chalet. finally... the long long plan was a success. its was great spending time with them. i guess.... its one of the last few times. before all of us split and go our different ways. maybe.... at most we'll see each other around Tekong. haha! wish you guys all the best in your future endeavours! oh ya!! and baby came over for awhile to peel prawns for us. lol!! oh.. and they said she's a nice girl. well, she definately is. NICE in many ways... hehe! anyway, how i wish you could have stayed longer dear. but i guess sacrifices has to be done.

anyway... since we're on the topic of my baby girl. i guess... i have to mention that the final contributing factor to my great week has to be her. i guess for me, last week was one of the best weeks that we've had since we've gottten together.

i don't know why but.... i just feel so happy and love whenever you're by my side. i guess you've got some special powers. plus... it not all about the emotional aspect of a relationshop... there's the intellectual side too. like what you said on your blog... i guess last week, we really connected. we both got to know each other much better, learn to understand each other better and etc. i guess the secret to this is communication. something that i have always believe in.

yes... there were down times here and there, but i guess it has made us stronger and closer now. baby... i just wanna tell you that i cherish you. and i feel that there's no one i rather be with now other than you.

reading your blog entry.... it really melts my heart to know you feel that way.
yes.... i feel the same way too...
everything i do... everything i say...
it all comes from the heart.
trust me...

baby... i promise we'll go thru the good times and the bad together. i'll promise to be your support.

your work, your family, your studies and etc. .... i'll promise i'll be behide you all the way. thats what i'm here for afterall.

finally... i'll just like to say thank you to you again for making my week great. and sharing with me wonderful experiences. i bet there'll be more to come. till then.... *muack* I LOVE YOU

ps. 29/1/2008.... i'll never forget that day.

Things happen for a reason...

2008-01-31T10:14:00.000+08:00

i believe in the title very much... there's a reason behind everything that happens.
but... the only question i have with me right now is why?? what is the reason?? where can i find it??

why do WE quarrel?
why do WE feel upset?
why do WE feel jealous?
why do WE always have a million thoughts and feelings that bombard our minds?

i need an answer fast...

sometimes...
efforts goes wasted...
sacrifice not appreciated...
good things go unseen...

i know love is suppose to be sweet...
but... i feel that there's a heavier weight of bitter than sweet

once scarred...
the heart will never be the same.

i don't know how to recover...

i know... deep inside, i dont wanna lose you.
i love you.
but... why is all these happening??

isit suppose to make us stronger?

i hope it will....

i hope... the promises wont be broken

hopefully, after the storm... there will be a rainbow

Does anyone care??

2008-01-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

well.... the answer to the above qns is NO. yup... atleast thats what i think. hmmmmm.... wondering why i say that?

before i go into that, i have to mention that my leg condition is not getting any better. tdy it just seems to get worse. I'm actually feeling that difficulty to walk yet again. that old familiar feeling... the time when i had to suffer on crutches. and yes, moving around is difficult. what more climbing up and down the stairs at work. not only that, after work at 5 i still had to head down to ritz for another session of work.

honestly, i'm damn tired. i'm sick. i'm in pain. i'm hungry. but.... DOES ANYONE CARE?

i'm upset... as i'm writing this, i'm in ritz. and my girlfriend is sitting beside me. but.. does she even bother? does she show concern? does she care? well, all i got is ATTITUDE. thanks... that's exactly what someone who is in pain needs.

i came over..... and atleast i expect a smile or a welcome. or maybe even a "how are you?"
but no. non of it.

ya, so what if my leg hurts... it doesnt matter to you rite.

do you know how worried i'am. my leg is suppose to heal by now. instead its coming back. do you know how freaking scared i'am.

imagine the cost i have to bare just for the check ups alone.
no.... my parents arent helping. and so arent you by doing this.

i feel like shit now....
and all i need was a lil bit LOVE from you

Point to take note.

2008-01-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

How to Escape a Spat with your Significant Other??

When we’re in a ‘flooded’ emotional state, access to the part of the brain where logical thinking resides is inhibited, and IQ drops noticeably. This is when we say things we wish we could take back. So call a time-out. Typically, your logic will return in about 20 minutes, at which point you can resume the discussion in a productive way.

My Dream

2008-01-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

It's back again...

2008-01-14T15:34:00.000+08:00

well... what's back? i bet u guys must be wondering.

hmmm.... its not one but two...

lets see...

first of all... i guess my 'decade' long cough is on again. just when i thought it was better. this time... i guess its not that bad. but.... its damn irritating. the cough that i'm having now are more like the 'difficulty to breath' type. those asthma kinda feeling. well, maybe its because i did not go to the doctor for a follow up check up. she did mention it could be a mild asthma thingy. my medicine is almost finishing too. what should i do?

next... remember the terrible injury i had. the one involving my knee. well, guess what. it's starting to hurt back again. yup.... and i've not even been involve in any 'hard work'. i've not been going to the gym... and neither have i done any sports activities or trainings. i guess... the only thing involving my legs would be walking. dont tell me i need further analysis from the doctor. i thought i was ok already. matter of fact i should be healing already. the doctor gave me 6 months and its due on feb. so... i shld be getting better not feeling the pain again. i dont want to be a regular at the hosp. i'm sick of it. i just hope it'll be better soon. NS is coming. i cant afford to have this injury haunting me.

Stressful day

2008-01-09T16:51:00.000+08:00

okay... work is gonna end in about 10 more minutes. i can actually leave the office now but then let me just finish this post.

today was stressful... it started off wrong as i was late AGAIN. then, as soon as i step into the office my manager called me in for a meeting. and i knew it wasnt the bestest news.

well, it turned out that i have another 'project' under my sleeve. like as if all the workload i'm having now is not enough. damn it! oh... and notice the how i describe the 'project'. well, everyone knows its bullshit. they are just lazy to do it on their own and since attachment students are here... why not they name it PROJECT. can they give us something better to do. i'm here to learnt not to do shit work.

whatever lah.... i'm already stressed out enough with the sch projects, reports, test, in hand work projects and all the daily office task. what more... i have my life to settle too. i need a break!

oklah... i guess thats about it. i need to go now. i guess overall i still manage to complete whatever i had to tdy. all thanks to proper planning. but then... i'm so super shagged now.

i still have to head down to sch for a meeting.

bye!

Lessons on love

2008-01-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

It's a been a journey of ups and downs ... so far these 2 weeks has been bitter sweet.

People say love is happiness and every other things nice. But i beg to differ.
Its not only about the laughters, the smiles, the sweet lil things, the hugs, the kisses..... Love is more than that.

I guess love includes tears, heartaches, frustrations, sadness, jealousy...
And all these makes the feeling of love complete.

Honestly, for me it did not go all smooth... There are days when i feel so down. There are days when i feel like i'm on top of the world. But i think the most important factor here is how i make do with it. How i learn from the lessons of love and how i change and improve.

If one never suffers from hardship.... i guess he/she will never learn.
And in my case... all these lil unhappiness, heartaches and etc. simply makes the relationship stronger.

I love her.... yes i do.
All i ever hope for is for this to last.

ps. Fidah, its been tough on you lately. I understand. I hope all will be well. I wanna see u smile once again. You know i'll always be here for u whenever u need me. I'll always be supporting u no matter what. Girl, i dont wanna lose you....

Hanhan steps into the arcade!

2008-01-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

alright... ladies and gentleman!!!

officially... 4 January 2007, farhan steps into the arcade and play. after years of not engaging in such activities, it actually feels kinda fun. well, esp when you have someone special beside you. and that special someone is no other then my baby girl.

its another day out for as.... and surprisingly we spent the whole day at AMK hub. well, we WINDOW SHOPPED for the first half of the day. had a nice lunch... then, the fun comes in.

honestly when she brought me into the arcade, i thought she would just wanna look around. never did i expect her to pull me in and ended up playing afew games. well..... it started off with daytona cause i wanted my revenge on her. cause she beat me the other time during the chalet. then... moved on to another racing game. i guess we have something for racing cars. well... moving on, we played the old sch basketball throwing thingy.... fun fun fun!! (note: short ppl will have difficulties playing this game) hehe! next yet another unexpected event happened. my baby girl actually loves to play the 'dancing dancing' thingy. haha! its damn funny seeing her stumbling her way thru the game. super cute!! damn!! i should have taken a picture of her. lol! oh ya!! and as for myself. i actually played the DRUM MACHING THINGY!! omg!! i actually never believed in it. as in... being a real drummer. i kinda prefer the real thing. but.... seems like i've been proven wrong. that game is fun!! but then.. a lil boring cause it was a lil too easy. hmmmm... next time i shall try sumthing harder. wheee!!!!

okay okay... overall, i can say i spent a great day with my girl. it ended with a nice movie... I'am Legend. which is not such a bad movie. i'll give it 3 out of 5 POPCORNS.

A dedication to my girl....

2008-01-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

Her

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At Comms Christmas Party

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night Out (3/Jan/2008)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Flowery New Year Surprise For Her

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bugis Street

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ang Mo Kio Hub

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOVE

YOU

❤

INTERIM REPORT COMPLETED!!!!

2008-01-03T14:19:00.000+08:00

(Interim Report Extract)

yes!!!!!

finally!!! i have completed my interim report for my attachment.

omg! i feel so relieve. one burden is off.... but then its not for long.

i realised its actually not that difficult. the problem was that i loved to procrastinate. and hence, resulted in my report being almost 2 weeks overdue. yesterday i did not head down to work cause partly i woke up late and next i was a lil tired. so.... i told myself... "farhan, get your lazy ass off the bed and get infront of the lappy and stary typing." and i did just that. i spent my afternoon compiling my report.

all work and no play makes hanhan a dull boy.... so, in the evening at about 7 i got ready to head down to ritz. basically to rest my mind. next to meet my baby girl and pass her the basic theory book she needed. then... finally ofcoz sent her home. i guess every minute that i spend with her is precious.... i just love her presence.

so.... when i got back at about 12. i was so tempted to go to bed. but... nope.... i pushed on and at about 2am i completed my report. i could really feel that sense of satisfaction.

but then again..... this is not the end. i'm left with one month b4 i graduate. some ppl may think its a gd thing but not me. for me it only means that i have 1 month left to complete all outstanding task. such as final report, final presentation, 2 QSM project, QSM final test. hmmmmm... and all i have is ONE MONTH = 4 WEEKS = 31 DAYS! omg! stress!!

i guess i have to do some sacrifice to achieve whatever that i have to. sacrifice means.... work more and cut down on play. just for one month b4 i gain my freedom. aft that i have all the time to play and enjoy!

so dear.... i hope you understand. i may not be able to spend much time with u for this one month. i'll try my best whenever i can to see you. i'll definately miss you and there's no doubt about it. do take care. anything i'm just a phone call away. after 1st feb i'm all yours! haha!

Happy New Year!! Have a blessed 2008

2007-12-31T20:07:00.001+08:00

Hey hey!!

how's everyone?

well.... the time now is 8.14pm. Just a few more hours to 2008. and here i'am at work typing this entry.

first of all... hope everyone is enjoying the last day of 2007. well... i guess another year has passed and another is approaching. hopefully all of you have made your new year resolution or atleast have plans for the wonderful 2008. people... take note... you're not getting older... so, cherish the ones around you and enjoy life. you'll never know when your time is up.

anyway.... i hope my 2008 will be better than this year. actually.... i guess there's alot to look forward to in 2008. first... graduation. finally i'll complete my poly studies. it seems just not long ago i stepped into ngee ann poly. and now... its about time i leave. next.... i guess i'm looking forward to national service. 2 years of service to the nation. i hope that goes well too. other than that i guess the one last thing i'm asking for in 2008 would be a blissful relationship with my baby girl. may we enjoy each others company for many many years to come. a message to her: "dear, i believe in every relationship we will have many obstacles to face and conquer. i hope you'll stay by my side all the way to face these challenges for 2008. we'll take each day at a time... and i'll promise to give you my best. remember the promises i've made to you.... i'll never break that promise. hope 2008 will be great year for you. no matter what.... i'll always be here to support you. I LOVE YOU."

anwyay.... talking about my dear... last saturday i accompanied her to watch her sing. hehe! and it was definately a pleasant experience. i certainly enjoyed myself. plus... i manage to meet the folks! haha! i was definately scared/nervous.... but.... it turned out well. daddy was friendly to me. we had a good chat with each other thru the day. and then mummy was nice too. they treated me so well. i just feel so comfortable with them. and i kinda feel so accepted. and then.... the bbq was nice... i got to spend time with fidah's family. i guess i certainly liked the feeling. overall... its was an excellant day. thanks dear!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2007 Ritz Communications Dept. Christmas Party

2007-12-28T00:06:00.000+08:00

Hey hey!!

Merry Christmas!

yup yup... i'm still very much feeling the christmas spirit in me.

or maybe i'm just happy. hehe!

well.... 27/12/2007 was a memorable day for me.

first of all... it started off with a wonderful evening on the 26/12. which carried foward to the morning of 27/12. i really never expected but.... i actually spent the whole morning out. and what better way to do it with my baby girl by my side. its simply nice to be sitting under the night sky, feeling the breeze on your skin and her warmth. as mins turn to hours... the time seems to fly past fast esp when you're having a nice time. neither of us wanted it to end.... but... the next thing we knew... it was already 6am. she had work at 11 and so did i at 8.30. hah! it was fun indeed. BUT SUPER TIRING!

anyway... i ended up not reporting to work. its humanly impossible. i'll be dead at my desk if i had carried on to work.

so... i managed to catch up on my sleep. till... i realised i was late.

had a party to set up/attend at ritz. its basically a christmas/year-end celebration for the department. so... woke up at 3pm, rushed down to suntec to get a lil sumthing. and then down to the office.

i must say... the whole celebration was nice. congrats to my baby girl for the successful planning. remember.... i'll always be here to help u out. anyway... i had fun and alot of gifts. i guess ppl must love me alot. lol! well..... thanks thanks to all. we had food, drinks, gift exchange, the usually gossip and laughter session and also not forgetting the cam whoring sessions. haha!

i got a sweater from Cik Mala, a cardigan from Nur and my favourite.... an Airbus A380 model from Fiya. not forgetting, i got my baby girl chocolate from ROYCE. hope she likes it. hehe! it was a surprise for her.

well... the pictures are on its way... i'll post it up as soon as i get it.

meanwhile.... here are some pics of the A380 model:

(the parts before construction)

(work in progress)

(completed product)

Season Greetings!!

2007-12-25T11:28:00.000+08:00

HO HO HO!!
Merry Christmas to all!!
Hope you're enjoying the holidays.

Well, i guess for me this christmas it will be slightly special. and also... it could be the last christmas i get to spend on the mainland. haha!! if u know what i mean.

its special cause i have someone by my side this year. matter of fact i'll be meeting her in about 2 hrs time. hmmmm.... i'll make it an evening for her to remember.

christmas eve was nice too... i got to spend the afternoon with my baracuda mates at wheelock orchard. basically we were watching wicked aura perform. and i felt it was really worth the trip down cause.... one, the performance was great. two, i learnt something from one of them regarding the cuica. i actually went up to meet Hanafi since we have spoken before thru mail. and he was nice enough to share with me tips to play the cuica. hmmmm... how i wish i can play together with them. lol! one day perhaps......

(Wicked Aura Batucada in action)

21/12/2007 - Sweet Beginning 22/12/2007 - Most unluckiest day

2007-12-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

Good morning ladies and gentleman...

well, as you can see from the title... today 22/12/07 officially started on the wrong foot. and as i'm typing this... honestly i'm feeling freaking upset. but..... before i go into what actually happened, let me just update you guys on recent activities.

well... let's see... where shall i start?

okay... lets start with the boring mudane stuff before i actually tell you about some exciting news.

my attachment... well, since its the holiday season i guess everyone is getting into the mood. the whole of indeco on defu lane seems to be a lil quiet lately. first of all... people are clearing leaves and that includes my supervisor. and i guess... there's not much work to be done either. its like so natural for the whole company to slack a lil once year end comes. well..... everyone but the attacment students. we are still expected to 'work'. even when there's no work we have to ACT busy. oh... and as for my interim report... guess what... i just started. wonderful rite? considering the dateline was like yesterday 21/12/07. haha!! well... hack lah. better late then never. so now... i'm kinda stressing over it. DO NOT DISTURB!! INTERIM REPORT IN PROGRESS!

(F-5 landing close up shot)

moving on...

lets talk about the lighter side of life... well, i caught Alvin & The Chipmunks lately and i really have to say its a damn cute movie. haha! i bet many ppl find Theodore adorable. and i guess i'm one of them.

hmmmm.... something else about the movie that i like was..... the person i actually watched it with. well.... it was definately a very nice experience. but there were awkward moments considering it was our first 'date'. haha!

well, first dates are usually followed up with another then another and another... so well, thats how the next story that i'm gonna talk about began.

we were strangers from the beginning... then colleagues... then friends... it then evolved with just a simple innocent sms. as nights went by, the two got closer. sharing with each other their thoughts and experiences. then... laughters and smiles. the two grew closer as time passed... hence, from an innocent friendship... love blossomed. feelings poured onto the petals of flowers. and soon... spring came.

now... 21/12/2007 a new chapter in their lives has started. how it ends.... it'll be a mystery for now. hopefully... a fairy tale that never ends.

okay... next... i guess it just some random stuff....

(GIRL GIRL... I kinda miss her. Have not been spending time with her for very long time)

(Present for _______ due for collection.)

(Me with AUNTY DIYANAH at Ritz Comms Dept)

oh ya! and finally... now to that unfortunate event that happened ard an hour ago. well..... i dunno why but i feel so cursed. first... i missed the last bus to tampines from yishun by about 10 mins. okay... thats alright... so i was hopping for a last train to atleast cityhall. but... unfortunately only to AMK. then... guess what... i kinda thought i had no cash on me. well, basically... i thought i was stranded. but.... i remember.. its officially a saturday. and my Ritz pay is in. so... i went to the nearest ATM to check. and when i realised i had cash, i decided to take a cab. which was ofcoz not the best choice considering the price hike and all...... by the end of the journey, it cost me a total of $24.30. great huh... well.... okay... i was very much upset over that big hole in my pocket. to make things worst.... when i was almost reaching my door step, i realised i was not holding on to my mp3. and yes... i panicked! i tried recalling.... but all i could recall was that i placed it on my lap while sitting in the cab. so... most likely... i dropped it in the cab without realising it. so..... there goes my 22 December 2007. i lost my beloved MP3 player. 300++ gone just like that. now... all i can do is hope that the cabby is nice enough to return it to me. *BIG SIGH*

hmmmmm.... to end things off.. i'll like to thank my baby girl for trying to cheer me up, offering her help and all. i really appreciate it. i feel your genuine care and concern . thank you. but what's more important is that you get well soon ok? do take your medicine and drink lots and lots of water. dont worry about me... i'll be alright as long as i know you're by my side. you're more precious then anything else. =)

2007-12-18T11:57:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel that my whole day is ruined...
i'm beginning to crawl back into that dark hole...
squirming in the corner...
drowning in my sea of emotions...

sometimes its better to be ignorant...
like they say...
ignorant is bliss...

to know only means...
to understand...

somehow i wish my whole world was block...
somehow i wish the mind can actually work like a computer...
where it can choose to delete or maybe even 'reboot'
i just wanna start afresh

thru the years

people walk in and out of my life

some of which stay a lil longer

while others are forever

i'm glad that i know of such pepople

one way or another

they have mold me into the person i'am now

sometimes

appreciation goes unspoken

sometimes

deeds go unnoticed

thats the fact of life

expections may fall short at times

i guess i have to live with it

dreams go unachieved

and i only have myself to blame for it

everyone wants sometthing

but all the time

it won't be yours forever

Awesome people who are single for no apparent reason

2007-12-17T21:43:00.000+08:00

They are people who are past the point of "what's wrong with me?", and have moved on to "what's wrong with everyone else?".

They are the people who would make great boyfriends and girlfriends, but for some reason or another, can't seem to get anyone else to realise it.

They don't choose to be single. Its just for some reason that is only known by God, they are.

Post Performance Review

2007-12-16T00:26:00.000+08:00

alright... as you all know baracuda performed at the atrium just afew hours ago. well.... i must say it was a very much better show as compared to the last time on the 2nd of december. the crowd was better... the aura of the band was good. and... everything kinda went thru smoothly. and i must say here that i'm proud of the band. thumbs up to them.

and also... i dunno if any of the members reads my blog. but... i just wanna apologise with regards to tonight. i know i didnt put on my best performance for tonight and i've very sorry about it. hope you guys understand. i just wasnt in the mood. i'm very sorry.

anyway... didnt see familiar faces in the crowd tonight. and well.... to a certain extent i was disappointed. but however... i was very honoured to have ONE 'fan'. And that would be Mr Steven Sim! haha!! he's really a great guy. i was shocked to see him again tonight. i really have to thank him for putting all the effort to make it for our performance, recording the whole performance for us and basically (indirectly) supporting the band. A BIG THANK YOU!

oh ya... and while he was driving me back we had a nice conversation. talking about drumming and stuff... basically everything about music. and plus... his stereo system in his car is damn shiok!! he shared with me his music collection... all the drumming tracks and etc. it was certainly an enriching experience.

somehow he motivates me.... in a way... he just re-lit that fire in me to continue drumming. not only continue... but pursue. take him for an example.... he's like working, having a family and all. but still he manage to spare time for his beloved passion, drumming. be it at TK or personally. and come to think of it... i wanna be like that too. i wanna do something with this talent of mine.

if the heart loves something... pursue it. i believe thats one of life's many lessons.

and hence, i've decided to make a promise to myself. NEVER TO GIVE UP DRUMMING. no matter how tough it'll get. i'll never put down my sticks. music will always be a part of me.

here are some pics showing my drumming evolution since band days:

Baracuda Batucada

2007-12-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

Alright... 15/December/2007, Baracuda will be performing at The Atrium @ Orchard. We'll be on stage at 7.30pm. So don't miss us!

I'm feeling a lil under the weather lately. Hence, i'll be taking the back seat for this show. Nevertheless... i'm sure we'll be rocking. Hopefully all goes well.

Do come down and support! We won't disappoint!

Can't help but wait - Trey Songz

2007-12-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

i'm suppose to be studying right now for my test tmr but.... what the heck. i need to rest right. so... yeah... i was just stoning on my bed. and suddenly this song was played. i just stopped everything and listened to the lyrics. and i realised its a nice song. hmmm.... maybe aft my interim report and etc. i'll start writing a song. i wonder whats gonna be my inspiration this time.

"Can't Help But Wait"

[Intro:]

I can’t help but wait…

Oh I, can’t help but wait…

Check it out

[Verse 1:]

I see you, you're with him - he ain’t right but you don’t trip

You stand by, while he lies - then turn right 'round and forgive

I can’t take to see your face, with those tears run down your cheeks

But what can I do - I gotta stay true'cause deep down I’m still a G

[Bridge:]

And I don’t wanna come between you and your man

Even though I know I treat you better than he can

[Hook:]

Girl I can’t help but wait

Til’ you get that with him, it don’t change

Can’t help but wait

Til’ you see that wit me it ain’t the same

Can’t help but wait

Til’ you, see you, for what you really are

Baby girl you are a star

And I can’t help but wait

[Verse 2:]

Listen, it ain’t fresh to just let him call the shots

You’re a queen, you should be, getting all that someone’s got

You should be rocking the latest in purses, bracelets, and watches, your worth

Much more than a occasional I love you

I’m thinking of you

[Bridge]

[Hook]

[Brakedown:]

Get it together - you can do better

Seeing’s believing

And I see what you need so

I’m gone play my position

Let you catch what you’ve been missing

I’m calling out, girl 'cause I can’t help but wait

The lighter side of life...

2007-12-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

Alright... enough of the EMO side of me.

lets do a 'happier' post
actually... more of a picture/video sharing session

so.... here it is:

(SPONGEBOB pillow in the office. Trying to make the environment more comfy.)

(Christmas decoration in the office)

RESTRICTED ACCESS

(F-5 flypast at *&^%$#!^ Air Base)

First malay post

2007-12-12T19:59:00.000+08:00

Semuanya terjadi dengan sekelip mata
Kini semuanya berubah
Dulu kita berkasih
Kini teman sahaja
Ku kan selalu disisimu
Mengertilah...
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu

Sememangnya diri ini hanya bermimpi
Dirimu takkan pernah aku miliki
Walau hatiku selalu mamanggil nama mu
Namun ku hanya mampu menatap wajah mu

Terbayang wajahmu dalam tidurku
Renungan mata tak dapat ku lupa

Bukan maksudku membuat kau terkeliru
Harap kau mengerti hati ku ini

Walau hidupku sebuah tanda tanya
Biarpun tak mampu ku bertahan
Takkan ku akui kalah
Itulah janjiku padamu

2007-12-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

I love you enough to fight for you,
Compromise for you,
And sacrifice myself for you if need be

Enough to miss you incredibly when we’re apart,
No matter what length of time it’s for
And regardless of the distance

But now this heart that loved you is hurt,
When all it needed was tenderness
And you had to push it away

I love you
Those are the words I never got to tell you

The rise of the flu bug

2007-12-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

Aargh!! I'm sick!!
just like that....

the flu bugs must be really sneaky. bastards!!!

damn! my nose is killing me. and thanks alot mother nature for the super COLD weather.

well.... i think i really need my rest now.
=(

great start for the week indeed.

7 days a week

2007-12-10T11:04:00.000+08:00

okay... today is a new week.

a new start i hope.

last week was a mess. well.... I WAS IN A MESS.

anyway.... last week was practically a long long week for me. a week full of challenges. ups and downs.... mostly downs. and a week full of sadness and sleepless nights. but well..... tough luck for me. i guess thats life right??

hmmmm.... well, monday to friday as usually work. and on friday... the usual chill out session with my classamates. on friday.... i was actually contemplating. friends or ............. well, i dunno if i had made the smartest choice but i guess i should not regret now. its been done.... history has been created and can never be changed. so.... no point brooding over it. i can only ask myself now.... the big qns.... WHAT IF??

So.... the friday session was spent around Orchard. some of the guys did a lil shopping. and damn... i was tempted. but... i knew i had to stick to the promise i had made. i had to really fight the temptation. zara.... pull and bear... queens couture... GAP... NUM... and all i could do was just look, touch, tried but.... not buy. i saw this nice cardigan at zara... and guess how much it cost... an awesome $59.90. i was like.... wow!! i must have it. remember i mention about the FCUK cardigan i once saw? well.... it cost about a hundred plus. so... if i were to get the zara cardigan i'll save like about half. it was definately a good deal. but then again... the reason i didnt get it was.... it was kinda small. everything was alright but if only they half a size bigger. well... maybe its a good thing too. i can save. but then again, i still have my sights on that FCUK cardigan. i hope its still on the shelfs. SANTA.... I'VE BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR RIGHT? lol!

well... so yeah... we walked around while i could only feast my eyes on the manikins. then... had a drink at coffee bean borders. chill out... had 'manly' talk... and discussed about the next day's plan.

basically.... me, eugene, wei jie, jason, siva and kaijin we planning to attend The Arena's Lifestyle Bash. so... yeah... on saturday right after work at 11pm i had to rush down to Clarke Quay to meet up with them. well.... considering on that night there are other events such as Zouk Out at Siloso, Milkshake at MOS... I kinda expected The Arena to be less crowded. Well, as i was walking thru Clarke Quay, i could already feel the adrenaline rush. And when i reached the doors of the arena, it was happening! haha! and i was very much ready to party the night away. so... yeah... it was my first time at the arena and i can say its a nice place. MUCH MUCH BETTER THEN ZOUK. haha! the entry fee was $16 for that night. cheap cheap!! but the only downside was the music. well... actually its not that bad. they have a mix of everything there. and its definately something new which i dont mind. too much of R&B/Hip Hop sometimes is a bore. oh ya... plus.... its a club definately not for kids. and i like it. you'll see more of caucasians, ADULTS... basically... no MATS or BENGS. (which totally disgust me). its definately happening there. and i'm definately looking forward to my next visit. oh.... and did i mention i lost my ticket like about IMMEDIATELY after stepping thru the door. haha! i just couldnt find it... and damn... its a waste cause i lost a free drink. anyway... that night... i just couldnt bother to control my wallet. i just dunno why... perhaps cause i just wanna let out the stress. so... yeah.... i just let my card do the talking. 2 bourbons 1 bottle of beer... and i was very tempted to get more but... i remembered i was working the next morning at 9. oh... and i nearly bought a girl a drink... but.. well, i guess i was just too coward.

anyway... the night ended about 3 plus. i really wanted to party longer but well, i had to think of work. so... cab back to the east with jason and we had a talk. basically... 2 heartbroken guys sharing their views on girls. i bet the cab driver uncle was eavesdropping on our convo. lol! well.... watever said in the cab did have its truth.. although we were a lil tipsy.

so... sunday was spent at ritz from 9-6. and man was i shagged. i was dozing off once in a while at my desk. and trust me... red bull was not enough.

after work, my day was still not over. had a movie session planned with fiya and nur. i just didnt want to go home. home = lonely = sad = emo. so... aft work we rushed for a movie session at 7. caught enchantered. not bad movie... esp for those in the love zone. and somehow.... it did gave me some pointers of love. Love takes more then a day or two of happiness.... It takes two souls to live together in happiness forever and ever. And deep inside... somehow... i was touched. well... if you're looking for a laid back movie with cute characters... Enchantered is a movie to watch. I'll give it 3 out of 5 stars. Catch it and you'll learn a thing or two about love... True love.

and finally... tdy... i started my day off with a can of red bull AGAIN. i think that tells you all how tired i'am rite? haha! i was so close to taking MC tdy. but... i shall be a good worker and go to work. remember the previous post... i shall bury myself with work.

well... i hope it all goes smoothly this week. and i think i need to catch some rest. there wont be baracuda prac. so that means no going to sch untill friday. friday.... there's a test. shall not forget that. can someone remind me CONSTANTLY to study? well.... i guess it'll be straight home after work for this week. hmmmmm... maybe i'll do some jogging to let out steam other then the weekly gyming session with J-Dogg (Jason).

okay.... i guess i'll end here.

ps. Hello shaz!! *waves* i'm chatting with u right now as i type this

2007-12-08T04:45:00.000+08:00

I'VE GOT NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF!!

Losing my mind

2007-12-08T03:41:00.000+08:00

Time now... 3.42am. 8 December 2007.

Farhan shall not sleep.
Farhan shall think happy thoughts.
Farhan shall remain calm.
Farhan shall blast music into his ears at deafening decibel range.
Farhan shall be a mature man.
Farhan shall bury himself with work.
Farhan shall carry on living life.
.
.
.
.
.
Farhan shall not shed a tear.

Farhan has gone crazy.

"Next time, I shall let my senses take control."

2007-12-08T03:25:00.001+08:00

You can't make someone love you...

All you can do is be someone who can be loved,

And the rest is up to the person to realised your worth.

A dedication

2007-12-06T12:14:00.000+08:00

alright... i actually wanted to update about something for some time already. well, basically its for someone.

and yes... i'm at work now. 20 mins to lunch. yeah!!
so... i'll make it fast.

this post is dedicated to Miss Nurul Shazwani. haha!! (are u shock to see your name here?)
well, these few days somehow... UNBELIEVABLY... UNEXPECTEDLY... she's been decently nice to me. unlike her usual... IRRITATING... EVIL... SARCASTIC... self. and... i guess i kinda prefer this side of her. lol! well, who wouldnt right?

so yeah... i would like to thank her for that. at least she made me smile for ONCE. haha! alright alright... i shall not be mean. let me correct that.... made me smile more than often.

well, i hope it carries on from here. i really HOPE it does. at times she can really drive me mad. but... still... i keep my cool. so shaz.... you shld be thankful i'm so patient towards you.

remember... BE NICE TO ME ALRIGHT?

2007-12-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

alright.... this is my 2nd post of the evening.

i guess its the time of the month for me. yup... time of the month where i get a lil bit emo.

i dunno why but i just feel very disturbed. i feel very lost.

and as usual... my mind does its own pondering up there. and it always chooses to ponder upon the wrong stuff.

well, i just dont want history to repeat itself. i dont want to live in regrets. but yet again..... there are thing i dont want to do either. but i'm scared i'll end up blaming myself all over again. blaming myself of the things i did not do.

it has happened once.... not again please.

i'm hanging on... still.
pull me up.

i know there's something special....

sleepless nights here i come.

Final Theory Test - FAIL

2007-12-03T21:12:00.000+08:00

the title explains everything.... basically it'll also explain how i feel currently. well, if you dont know, i feel like shit now. yes, i just failed my FTT. i dont know why but... i just failed. i felt that i did rather decently for the test but seems like it just wasnt enough. well... maybe the only thing that could console me right now, is the fact that i wasnt the only one that failed in that room as i noticed many of them were booking for their next FTT. hence it only means one thing. they suffered the same fate as me.

well.... i guess the most dreaded part is that my next FTT would be on Febuary 19 2008. its like so freaking far away from today. now i guess everything is pushed back. i kinda wonder when i'll get my license. or maybe.... will i ever complete this whole phase. i kinda feel like giving up. the lack of money, the lack of support, the time constraints.... and i really need to finish this before i enter NS. it sucks when everything just dont seem to be going well for you.

and i kinda have the feeling that i lost a lil of my driving touch. it seems like i have trouble recalling whatever i've learnt. well, this is what happens when you've got no money to carry on the lessons and hence that long break.

haiz.... i'm so freaking upset right now. aarggh!! i feel like screaming. HOW CAN I FAIL!!

2007-11-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

tdy, right after work... i dont know why but i suddenly had a sudden urge to try the rubik's cube. i'm wierd.... i know. so... i decided to get it. since it cost about 10 bucks i told myself why not. so.... on my way home i dropped by toys r us at tampines mall and got myself a 3 x 3 cube.

and... as soon as i settled down at home i begin playing with it. and its fun!! really! those who've not tried it i would really advice you to go and try. there's this thrill/challenge while trying to solve it. and definately, its not easy. so far, i only manage to arrange one side in order. i'm stuck at step 4 out of 8. so... you can say i'm halfway there.

anyway... moving on. remember the last post i mention about my performance at Jam & Hop nite. well, right after that performance, the next day, i kinda notice that my friendster profile views suddenly had a slight increase all of the sudden. haha!! and guess what... they are ppl from Jam and Hop. lol! they actually had the time to search for us on friendster. goodness.. seems like baracuda has a trail of fans already. anyway... they told me that they really enjoyed our performance that nite. certainly nice to hear that.

Rocking it out on stage!!

2007-11-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, i'll like to say that yesterday was super awesome!! yup yup. the performance for Jam and Hop in Ngee Ann was madness! we were the event opener and my god, were the crowd hyped up. those 'children' really know how to party! we definately opened the event with a bang and i bet the people from Red Camp loved us. thats exactly the kind of crowd i'll love to perform to for every of our performances. people were dancing, moving, clapping and smiling everywhere i looked. and and and.... i dunno why but... there's these two girls in the front row that really caught my eye. and i'm impressed with them.... they can really shake it good. haha!! i really felt like a rock star on that night. thanks to the people at Jam and Hop, to the rest of the baracudas for an rocking performance, and esp to those two girls in green at the front row. lol!

i really wished i could stay for the rest of the event. it was like a mini zouk out in the convention centre with famous bands performing, loud music, zouk's resident DJ spinning it out and not forgetting awesome ppl all around. but.... too bad i had to rush down to meet my friends for the usual friday chill out session.

oh ya... talking about friday. i just wanna highlight something. and i really hope singapore would actually do something about it. well, you guys know that my phone is temporarily out of order right. so... yesterday, i really needed a public phone. and guess what, i was at bugis and i spent almost 30 mins searching for a decent working public phone. i was like cursing and swearing deep inside as i swarmed the streets of bugis looking for a freaking phone. yes, i know we are in an era of mobile and all those advance technology but.... dont you think that sometimes when an innocent soul finally comes back down to earth, he/she will need the services of a public phone once again? please... can the govt of singapore actually add more public phones around or atleast do some servicing to the ones that are present. this advice coming from a first hand experience.

moving on.... well, i'm freaking tired. before updating my own blog, i was planning out stuff for baracuda. i'am in-charge of their performances... and well, i figured out that its actually not an easy job. considering the busy month of december.... where all performances will be coming in and etc., i really have to step up my game. contacting here and there(without a handphone)... sending out emails, thinking of the members, working with the school, updating the members and etc. and i thought once i step down as ngee ann softball president things will be less stressful. seems i'm wrong. well, i guess its just me.... my nature of just taking that leadership position. the need to lead. i just hope i wont neglect my softball club too much cause they still need my guidance.

anyway... baracudas will be having some major performances. especially the one coming up at Plaza Singapura. check us out and find out more on: www.baracudabatucada.blogspot.com

i guess i should be sleeping soon. i'll be working tommorrow at ritz. yup yup.... 7am-3pm. i'm freaking exhausted and down with a lil flu but.... what can i do. i just need to work hard now. need that extra cash to support myself. i need some cash to pay for my driving. haha!

ps. all seems well on the outside, but no one will see all the scars within, all the tears i've dripped.

Get high and leave your worries behind

2007-11-20T15:00:00.000+08:00

alright... i guess this week has been a decent one i shall say. work, baracuda, driving and at the end of all that a well deserved rest. but still.... the resting part is still kinda lacking. wondering why? but well.... i guess i'll just have to endure.

issues at home... i guess its still the same old story. i'm living my own life. what is parents to me? its definately not in my dictionary. well, u can call me an unfilial son... but, you don't know the real truth. i wash my clothes, fold my clothes, find my own food, clean my room.... practically, i'm living off my ownself. hmmmmm... i guess this practically explains why my whole life is pretty much messed up.

money matters... i guess i pretty much have it in hand already. no more splurging. i'm kinda saving from whatever i get each day. and that could range between $2 to $5. not bad for a start... but still... i'm waiting for my pay to settle my outstanding bill. well.... seems like i have to cut down on my 'fancy' lifestyle. hmmmm..... i will survive.

as for my driving... its going very well. but... sadly my last lesson would be on thursday. well, thats untill i find enough money to book for the next few lessons. and i'm very sure that long gap inbetween will have a negative effect. i can just hope its not so bad. hmmmmm... most likely i'll be going on to the roads once my PDL is secured. circuit is getting boring. my last instructor said my driving was firm and is very much ready for the roads. haha! encouraging indeed. so... you drivers out there, Farhan is gonna storm the roads of Eunos soon. Be prepared. lol!

hmmmm.... recently i got news that kinda affected me to an extent. and its not the best of news. i came to learn that zin thet was hospitalized. i was shocked together with some mixed feelings of worry and guilt. well, just a rough background, i havent been talking to zin thet for about a few weeks. as usual she kinda just disappeared just like that. and before that, i already could sense that there was something troubling her. i guess stuff between she and her father, work, school, friends and etc. and... i did offer my help. i did lend a listening ear and gave my advice. but... i knew she didnt truly open up to me. instead she kept it all inside of her. and i guess... all that lead to the situation now. hmmmm.... well, thats the past and there's nothing that we can do now. but... instead i believe we can always work on the future.

once i heard of the news i very much wanted to visit her but.... as per her friend, i was not suppose to know and its better that i dont visit her yet. hmmmm.... that certainly shows the stubborn part of zin thet. well, i did told her friend to send her my regards and best wishes. and also perhaps if i could come down and visit her soon. i just need to see her to know whats happening. i hate seeing my friends suffer. that girl needs help.... and i wanna offer her mine.

and finally, to end this off....
after having all these worries in my mind... sometimes i feel that you've got to let loose and brush them aside. like what the title states, "Get high and leave your worries behind." it's so true.... sometimes its no point brooding over it. but then again.... get high doesnt mean you have to do drugs or stuff like that. what i mean here is just enjoy yourself. for me... i get high with music. and i'm lucky i have my band to get high with. like yesterday during practice... i just decided to let go of everything and groove and go crazy. and it certainly makes me happy seeing smiles on other ppls faces. takes my mind of the evil worries i have.

i shall end with.... "IF LIFE GETS HARD, FUCK IT! AND YOU'LL FIND PLEASURE."
sorry for the usage of inappropriate language here... but i feel it really explains well.

Hanz Code: 9 13'9'19'19 25'15'21

2007-11-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

haha!! try to decipher that code...

well.... if you did then... good for you. smart boy/girl. i dont think its that hard right. well. if u had succesfully figure it out, i'm sure this post will be much clearer to you.

anyway... let me start off with just saying that this week is tough for me. well, as some of you guys know.... financially, i've not been very stable for this week. next.... physically, i'm alil worn out. and mentally, i've been very disturbed. hmmmm... and the best part is.... i dunno how to explain why i'm feeling this way. everything just seems so wrong for me.

perhaps its because i'm always seeing things on a negative point of view. but then again... i cant help it. will someone help me??

anyway... moving on. tdy while i was on the way home from a performance at clarke quay, the trip on the train was made kinda 'entertaining' to a certain extent. when i boarded the packed train at cityhall, the first thing that kinda caught my eye was this couple at the opposite door. well.... actually, to be honest, the girl caught my eye first. but then again.... i was only attracted cause i was wondering if she was chinese of malay. apparently, she was with a malay guy. and i was 85 percent sure that she's chinese. and well... that made me paid so much attention to that couple.

basically.... to cut the long story short.... the girl seems very happy with that guy. and they look very sweet together. but but but.... the funny thing is... they are abit... too in love. as in..... u know... the public show of affection thingy. well.... i'm not saying its wrong or anything but sometimes, abit too much of everything is just not good. well... for the eyes of the public atleast. and especially to the eyes of a lonely man like me. its like.... every 3 stations they'll be giving each other pecks on the lips. and then... u know.. all the things couples do. and somehow.... as i was noticing the girl's facial expression.... she was kinda enjoying all the 'loving' that was received. hmmmmm...... well, the whole 'show' was very interesting to watch. but then again... depressing too.

the girl somehow reminded me of annabel. the hair, the body, the way she dressed and the smile on her face.... even the way she walked kinda looked similar. but then again... there can only be one annabel. so... well, nothing can compare.

alright... i guess thats about it for now....

anyway... bad news, my baby cuica is 'injured'. first the skin had a lil tore and then tdy while perfomance and after swithcing skins, the stick broke. how wonderful is that... considering performance at plaza singapura is around the corner. haiz... i really hope they have stock in singapore. even if they dont i hope they can bring it over in 2 weeks time.

tmr driving in the morning!!! yay! excited! i'm improving... hardly no more stalls, no mounting of kerb, smooth acceleration, nice braking.... hmmmm... keep it up!! hopefully i'll be driving on the roads tmr.

2007-11-14T01:46:00.001+08:00

Time now is 1.47am... and i'm still awake.

well, i've tried going to bed. i was lying down since 12.33am but after tossing and turning, i just can't fall asleep. perhaps i'm thinking too much.

between that period, i dont know why but i've listen to track 7 and track 5 of jay chou's latest album about 10 times. just feeling emo i guess. so decided to put the tracks on repeat.

oh ya... did i mention i have to wake up at 6am. well.... time check.... 1.51am. it leaves me with about 4 hrs of sleep. that is if i can fall asleep soon.

okay... i guess thats about it. i'll try going to bed again.

(ps. the joy ride has ended.)

I owe Singtel!!

2007-11-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

alright alright.... from the title itself i believe its self explanatory. i owe singtel cause i have yet to pay my outstanding bills. and guess what..... they cut my line without any advance warning. this morning when i really needed the phone to make an important call, i just cant seem to. well.. i thought i had a problem with my phone at first but.... well, guess singtel just got pissed with me for owing them money. so.... i kinda suffered for the whole day. it feels that i'm totally disconnected from the world. and the feeling really sucks. but... however, somehow i'm still able to receive calls and smses. so... atleast its not that bad.

hmmmm... i believe tmr will be a much more worse partly because today i spent my whole day in sembawang air base. hence, it equals to me not having my phone around because of declaration. tmr, it'll be a busy busy day with performance at school in the morning and then back to work after lunch. i bet i'll have a hard time contacting people.

so... i guess till i'm able to pay my bills. i'll be practically be cutted off from the mobile world for some time. so... yeah... i guess i'm gonna suffer for the next few weeks.

hence.... after doing some reflecting. i realised... partly its my fault. the thought of saving suddenly really hit me hard. it kinda woke me up. i really have to cherish my money more. first of all.... i dont get alot of it. next... money isnt easy to get. somehow.... i just told myself. "Farhan, you've got to start saving and not be such a spendthrift." which is very true in life. saving is important. maybe not only to pay my bills but.... think of the future. it never hurts to have extra. better then not having any at all.... leaving me in the situation i'm currently in. so... hence, from today onwards. i've decided to put aside money every single day for saving. and as for next month's pay.... i'll try to put aside $50 minimum for saving. people... you'll all be my witness. this is a 'contract'. i guess certain things on my wishlist i have to sacrifice. i'll have to think of the needs before my wants. so.... bubbye to my FCUK cardigan. =(

anyway... moving on. i was watching the drama on channel 8 at 9. i kind of stumbled upon it. and as i was watching, something struck me and made me ponder on it "Cherish yourself before you can cherish others." do you think you agree with that statement?? well... its kinda hard to answer that. to a certain extent its true but then again... its questionable. it actually depends on who that "others" is. for me.... if that "others" is someone special... then... i guess i'll put her before myself. cause... partly maybe there's nothing much more important to me then her. for other people out there, it can be diff for them. hmmmm... and the show ended in a very sweet way. i wish i could sing and serenade the one i love.

alright.... i guess thats about it for now. maybe i'll blog more often cause i guess here's my only way of communication to the rest of the world. people... give me a call... i'm lonely!!

Nice wrap up for the week

2007-11-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

well... after a week of hard work, what better way to just have a wonderful weekend. a time to just have fun and enjoy. and perhaps... get back to reality only on monday.

hmmmm.... well, my weekend kinda started early for me this week. I took leave on thursday cause i just wanted to spend alil bit more time with someone. a whole day enjoying her company. well, actually, most of the time was spent walking around the streets of orchard road cause i had to do some shopping for necessities. but still... it was fun. cause she never fails to make me smile, laugh and feel all so good deep inside. plus, it was nice having her around for her opinion during shopping. where i finally settled for a bag from Fourskin and a shoe from Asics. and yes... i was happy with my choice. for once atleast. haha!! oh ya!!! while we were at Far East we saw the lil miss and mr tees. its so cool that i decided to get one for myself and one for her. Mr Funny and Lil Miss Stubborn. both suiting our personalities. haha! and i have to say, the tee is rather comfy. i wanna get more of it! well, after a long day of shopping, our legs did need a rest, so we finished off the day chatting over a cup of coffee and brownie at starbucks. the whole day was great. i really did enjoy myself. thank you Annabel.

(there's something about this picture that i like. i guess its her eyes)

(hehe!! happy)

anyway... moving on, friday... as usual, back to work till 12 and then to school for class till 5. as usual all we had to do for that class was tutorial and then we could leave. so.... yeah... thats about it for friday. i guess thats the boring part. the fun only starts after 5. where me and my classmates would just hang out together. actually, the plan is clubbing at zouk but ofcoz that would only be at 11pm. before clubbing, my evening was spent at bugis. yup yup.... you heard me right. bugis... a place not very frequented by me but... now.... i'm begining to like it. its been ages since i last step in there. and many many changes has been done. for example the foodcourt. haha!! anyway.... yeah... i familiarised myself ard bugis and then later on in the evening, i just sit and chilled at startbucks (again), over a cup of hazelnut hot chocolate, just to let time pass.

well... the nite only begun at about 11.30 when the group of us reached zouk. and as soon as i stepped into zouk... i was very much ready to party! haha!!! yup yup... i can be a bad boy at times. but most of the times i'm an angel. lol! so.... once we got our drinks, warmed up abit... the dancing then begun. and yes... it was happening. erm... maybe a lil bit too happening for my liking. partly maybe cause it was too crowded considering the small dance floor at Phuture. and not only that... there were way too much guys around. and to be exact... most of them horny NS guys. 75% percent of the time you'll be rubbing skin agains a guy. and it irritates me to the max. friday nite at zouk is definately not for me. but still i had fun with my friends... watching ppl dance... and ofcoz... i have to be honest... there were nice girls around to ogle at. haha! but... overall i'll give my experience at zouk a 6.5/10. haha! ofcoz, by the end of the nite.... or shld i say morning, we were all kinda tipsy and high all thanks to the gin tonic and bourbon coke. plus... our ears were buzzing all thanks to the pounding music at the dance floor.

so.... as soon as i reached home. the bed was calling out for me. and i answered its call. all the way up till 5pm, saturday afternoon. haha! and when i woke up... somehow i still have not recovered. was still kinda lazy. and my biological clock was kinda messed up abit. so... i just spend the evening slacking at home untill about later on in the evening where i met up with Annabel for a drink at Watercross. hmmmm... and yes..... you guys must be thinking.... drink again?! well... i'm alright. dont worry. i can handle my liquor. lol!! so.. under the beautiful night sky, we sit and chat, enjoying each other's company. and... somehow i was all giggly that nite. what can i say... she makes me happy. i actually really wanted to try the deck chairs but too bad... none was available. perhaps next time??

and today.... i woke up at about 9.30am for my driving. yup yup!! my first driving practical. i was kinda excited about it. but definately not nervous. i really didnt expect myself to be driving on the first lesson. i thought it'll just be the normal familiarisation stuff and etc. well, i guess i'm fast. haha! so ya... my instructor allowed me to take the wheel. starting with moving off and then accelerating and then reversing. and once i was familiar... to the circuit i went. a few rounds negotiation ard small bends and accelerating and stopping. and i have to say.... it was so super fun to be driving. its like... handling a poweful machine. the feeling is so good. but... what was wierd was that, i wasnt nervous or scared. shld i be?? hmmmm.... i simply cant wait for my next lesson. whee~~!

Horoscope

2007-10-31T14:17:00.000+08:00

well, i'm currently at work... right after lunch. so far today has been a smooth flowing day. workwise, basically i have everything in control. i'm abit off schedule for certain stuff but.... well, thats the working life.

anyway... i'm here to just mention about a lil sumthing. i was checking my mail and i received this mail about horoscopes. and it made me ponder on it for awhile. well, it seems that almost all of the horoscopes you read about from magazine to magazine or online, they all seem to be almost similar. and... the quirky part about it is that all of them seem to someway or another be accurate to the person you are right now. hmmmm.... its certainly one thing to ponder upon. for me... i kinda think that.... somehow there's two explanation to this. one... maybe it is true that your horoscope creates the person that you are right now. as in... its all 'programmed'. i don't know how and why but.... the world just works in mysterious ways. next... maybe it could somehow be psychological. like.... as in.... its because you're always reading all these horoscope thingys, you choose to 'mold' yourself into that person they state you are suppose to be. you choose to believe that you are like that, hence you act and behave like that. you know what i mean?? well..... its certainly logical right?? think about it.

anyway.... i've got to go back to work now. so... i shall end this post with my horoscope prediction.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

2007-10-30T16:49:00.000+08:00

Which Winnie the Pooh Character Are You?
	You are Winnie the Pooh. Oh, bother. You are sweet, simple, and popular for your honesty and goodwill. Though you may be the biggest personality in the woods, you sometimes need the help of others in the brains department!
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

2007-10-30T11:53:00.000+08:00

Everything you say must be the truth, but not all truth must be said

My whole body is screwed

2007-10-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

well... as i'm typing this, i'm coughing once every 20 seconds average. and this time the cough seems different... its like as if there is something stucked there. plus.... every after every cough i'll be out of breath. and then.... occasionally, i'll vomit liquid, blood and phlegm out.

i'm kinda sure this is not any normal cough. its already been about a month and still no cure. its really getting worse. and its really scaring the hell out of me. why am i having so many problems with my body?? visits to the doctor is becoming a norm for me now. and the feeling really sucks. i just feel so useless.

i've got so many scary thoughts running thru my mind.... cancer??? tuberculosis??? i still wanna live a healthy life. please dont let all of these happen to me.

and finally, i really doubt my parents care. and i have a very good feeling i have to pay for the treatment. where am i suppose to find the money?? thanks alot.....so much for being a parent.

Questions left unanswered

2007-10-29T14:55:00.000+08:00

at times it tears my heart just thinking about it. you make my mind wonder in a world of its own, as it ponders to upon your answers to my questions. i guess i just cant phrase those words inside my mind into a question. or maybe... perhaps... its just not meant for me to know. some things are better left unanswered as some of you might say.

hmmmm.... but... on the other hand... its slowly eating me deep inside. killing me... i need answers. there's a million possibilities but... only one answer to it. so.... am i suppose to think of all the million possibilities before i can know the truth? if that is so...... such cruelty it is.

but on the other hand... can i handle the truth? will the truth be pleasant? or will it be something i can never except. thinking about it simply scares me. that picture i have in my mind.... i wouldnt know if i can ever walk away and erase it forever. once the truth is untold.... things may never be the same. but..... would it??

well.... i have no answers. only you hold them all.

i wouldnt know how i'll handle it....

is there such thing in this world as a fairy tale??? i doubt....

Baking session!!

2007-10-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

alright!!! finally.... the long long wait is over. my brownies are ready! yay!! but before i talk about that, let me just mention about something else first.

23 october 2007, estimated time 6.00pm:

history was made. well... in my personal record that is. haha!! Annabel Ang Swan Aye visited my house for the first time! yup yup yup!! and... i really have to say, its my first time bringing a girl home either. so.... i was nervous. plus... i really didnt know what my mum's expression would be. but... i must say it was a pleasant experience. far far better than what i expected. somehow... i felt comfortable and more at ease. so ya.... we talked, showed her around my room and all, watched tv.... even had dinner at my house which was totally not planned. and plus.... girl girl was in the picture too. haha! she's abit scared of bel bel but... still not that bad. maybe she can sense that bel bel is her friend. haha! anyway.... i really had a great time with her. i want more!! sweeeeettttttt!!! lol!

okay... moving on to the baking session. haha! it was a success i guess. it looks good, smells good, feels good and i really hope it taste good. cause i didnt really had the measuring cup thingy. so... yeah.... i went by my 'chef' instinct. i kinda estimated the amoung of oil and water to add. really cant wait to taste it. shall wait for SOMEONE to eat it together. hehe! anyway... its because of that someone i choose to bake the brownies. specially for her. =P

here are the pictures... enjoy! yum yum!

Betty crocker's brownie!! Step1: Put in the mixture and the Hershey's Syrup
Step 2: Add egg, oil, and water

Step 3: Mix the mixture properly and evenly. Create a smooth textured mixture.

Step 4: Pour the mixture into a baking pan which has been greased with oil.

Step 5: Bake the mixture in the oven for about 50 mins at a temperature of about 255 deg.The final product!!

okay.... thats about it. any orders for brownies you can feel free to contact me. availability is subjected to my free time. lol! prices are negotiable. hehe!!

(WEAK)-end

2007-10-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

well.... the time now is about 12.30am. i'm kinda tired and sleepy but just decided to come online and update a lil b4 going to bed. ouh.... notice the title.... well... hopefully u guys get it. if not.... too bad.

anway... lets make this a fast one.

starting off with friday. well, work was till 12pm as we had to head down to school for class in the afternoon. hmmmm.... lets see, it can be said to be a good thing as well as a bad thing. reason being bad is because i find the module super stupid and the lecturer is super dumb! good because work is cut short! but... lets not talk so much about class. instead about the good stuff. well, as soon as i stepped into ngee ann, there was a sudden gush of that familiar school aura. yup yup.... the hustle and bustle of kids at the bustops, the familiar sounds at the attrium and and and..... not fogetting..... the wonderful sight that i have been so far deprived for for a period of about 2 months. yup yup... the sight of Ngee Ann poly girls. haha!! and to my amazement.... some of them look very unfamiliar. as in.... i've never seen them ard. where have they been hiding i wonder. lol! moving on.... the next best thing would definately be the food. i decided to delay my lunch by an hour just to get a bite of the tasty chicken chop rice at canteen 4. it seems so long since i last had it. and as soon as i had my first bite, the taste simply seems to linger there for slightly longer then usual. i dunno why but..... well, yum yum!

hmmmm... so... other then that, the catching up with classmates continued right into the classroom. yup yup... hack the lecturer. we just chatted like nobody's business. the module just seems so dumb. and having a lousy lecturer just doesnt help. i hope i wont flung it.

anyway... after class, plans were to head down for a chill out session. the normal group of buddies hanging out. so.... right after class, headed down to town for a walk. and damn... since my G2000 bag is no longer on the shelves, it leaves me to search for a new one. there are a few that caught my eye but... i'm not very sure. i need someones opinion. so far, its either Esprit or Fourskin. so.... from wisma to cineliesure and to heeren, i simply took in the sights and sounds of the familiar orchard road. then, later on in the evening, after dinner, the drinking session started. but..... not b4 we had super long walk to bugis from cityhall. haha! and damn, my leg really hurts from that long journey to booze. but.... i manage to survived! and i really had a good time that evening.

siva took us to timbre at first but it was crowded so we headed for plan B which was a place called "ALL ABOUT EVE BAR" at 45 Haji Lane. its a nice cosy lil place to chill esp if you want cheap beer and a nice karaoke place. lol! yup.... u heard it right, karaoke. but b4 that, let me do some promoting.... the beer there is going at a price of 2 bottles for 10 bucks. and u have a choice of Heineken, Carlsberg, Hoegaarden and afew more i forgot. and as for the karaoke thigy.... yup yup.... i had my first karaoke session there. goodness.... i cant believe i did that myself. lol! but... hack! it was super fun lah. esp with great friends around. haha!! i sang song like, an jing, can't take my eyes off you, hero and many more. and... i kinda forgot the lyrics for an jing. so.. had a lil trouble siging it but i manage to scrap thru. hmmmm.... i guess the evening was certainly a nice one. oh ya.... and i kinda got a lil tipsy after 4 bottles. and having to take the train really doesnt help. my head was spinning. haha!!

Haji Lane Graffiti

oh ya!! before i forget. let me just mention... as i was walking pass Action City at Heeren, i saw sumthing that really caught my eye. and i was so super excited when i saw it. it so cute!!! guess what it is.... MARIO!! haha! i so want it very much!! and as i looked at it i suddenly was reminded of someone that always used to call me that. haha! memories. here's the pics:

Big Mario: $109

Small Mario: $44.90

finally, lets talk about tdy. well... woke up at about 12pm. and kinda had a minor hangover. haha! and at 3pm i was suppose to be a khatib MRT station to meet up with the BB guys for a hari raya outing, but was slightly late. well... it was fun. went over to Siraj's house and had yummy briyani. followed by Matin's house later on in the evening. and over at matin's house more of them came. ppl like, fadz, zarin, shaun, chengliang, marilyn and etc. it was nice to meet up with them. and the food!!! omg! matin's mum really put in alot of effort to cook for us the dishes. there was roasted lamb, mutton, fried chicken, boiled potatoes and etc. very very western. i loike!!! she certainly is an excellent cook. and by the end of the day... my tummy was as round as a soccer ball. haha! i felt so bloated! but.... ofcoz, satisfied.

i realised, sometimes, u learn more about someone when u actually visit their house. u learn more about their family, see how they are at home and etc. actually.... the relationship also get strenghtened.

okay... i guess that brings my day to and end. time now is 1.29am. i took 1 hr to write this post. and i actually tot i wanted to make it a fast one. haha!. anyway... i've got work tmr. back to RITZ! haha! i'm scared. i hope i still remember the work. its gonna be a long day tmr.

i think i'm gonna do baking tmr when i get back home from work.

thats about it! take care! good night!

You make me go bonkers!

2007-10-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

well.... lately i've been thinking alot. and most of the questions in my mind would be... should i??

yup.... should i do this?? should i do that??? should i say this and that.... etc. i'm very unsure right now. will my actions result in not the most wonderful consequences or cause bitter experiences?

should i follow my heart and instincts or should i use my brain?

sometimes i just feel like throwing all these thoughts out of the window and just have fun. live a life of my own.

the one thing i hate about myself would be my mood swings. its switches on and off with just a split of a second. one time i can be all smiles and the next... when u say something i don't like, you simply ruin the moment. i'm not blaming anyone here. i guess its just me. the bad side of me. i wish i can change it too.

i'm not writting like i used to today...

i shall end here....

"the deserving never deserves what they get."

Thinking is evil!

2007-10-17T14:28:00.001+08:00

i'm the office now... had my lunch about an hour ago and the side effects are about to seep in right about now. feeling kinda sleepy and lazy today. was almost about to skip work AGAIN but i told myself to be a responsible worker and go to work. plus... i have lots and lots of work to do. yes... you heard it right. I HAVE WORK TO DO. the papers on my table are slowly piling up thanks to my STUPID manager. its like as if the PROJECT, daily stuff and matters to settle on my list that i already have is not enough. he happily comes to me and SUPPOSEDLY asked for my HELP. hmmmm.. lets see.... come to think of it. if he mention help i dont necessarily need to do it right. haha! i'm bad!

anyway... moving away from work. i had a great time last night. had a nice dinner, talked and plus... i got my dosage of beer that i had crave for so long. hmmmm.... feels good. and of course i went back with round roud tummy. yes, the whole evening was filled with smiles and laughter. fun fun fun!!

well.... as i'm typing this, i can feel a slight pain in my knee. i dunno why but... i think it started from yesterday. i think its because i ran for a distance. oh my... and this is definately not good news. i thought by now it shld be stronger. pls pls pls.... i hope it heals. i need to prepare for NS. lets just hope my knee problem doesnt jeopardise my chances in the army. and more importantly my chances to fly.

other than that.... my throat is still giving me problems. tdy is slightly more painful. and again... i hope its nothing serious.

okay... i guess thats about it. after work gonna rush down to Plaza Singapura to get the bag for my Cuica and then head down to Baracuda prac. i hope they do something productive today. if not i'm so not gonna come down for the coming practices.

till then..... i'll update soon.

(ps. wondering why i had that title?? well.... to keep it simple, i have lots on my mind and its making me feel all worked-up. and trust me... its not the most wonderful feeling. the world will never go easy on you untill you're six feet under.)

Song dedication (3 Doors Down-Here By Me)

2007-10-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

alright alright.... i guess i just cant seem to keep myself away from all these emo songs. i just keep crawling back. i dunno why... but i think its just me. i find inspiration in them. i find motivation. i see myself in those lyrics being sung.

i feel that it represents a mind of a guy who has suffered much to achieve things in his life which means so much to him without telling anyone, but his dreams deny him the flexibility.

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me

'Cause I'm not doing so good without you

The things I thought you'd never know about me

Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years

I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world

And all that I'll ever be

It could all fall down around me

Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you

'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own

I've been waiting so long just to hold you

And to be back in your arms where I belong

I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say

But everything I've ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world

All that I'll ever be

It could all fall down around me

Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see

Time is standing still for me

When you’re not here

I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say

Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world

And all that i'll ever be

It could all fall down around me

Just as long as I have you right here by me

Hari Raya 2007

2007-10-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

hmmmm.... let me see. i guess this weekend is a lil bit more special as compared to the rest. well, basically its because it Hari Raya. but then again... some of u know i'm not so into all these stuff. for me, i see it as a chance to get extra cash from relatives and also ofcoz just to spend that extra time and meet up with cousins, aunties and uncles etc. oh ya!!! and the food. lol! other then that.. i dont see the big "hoo haa" about it. i noticed this year.... i'm getting so much lesser green packets as compared to other years. and that sucks. i'm ONLY 19... and i havent started working. =( oh ya.. and granny.... saw her yesterday. and she doesn look good. i'm scared... maybe her time is about to come. i'll certainly gonna miss how she took care of me when i was small. if this year is gonna be her last hari raya... the kiss she gave on my cheek would be the last one. i really hope everything will be alright. maybe a miracle. i just havent lost anyone dear to me before.

talking about losing someone.... on thursday i've got news from my sec sch mate about the death of another friend on tuesday. and it really shook me hard. at first i kinda didnt believe it. but... once i saw the news article online, i just took a moment to think of the memories i had of him. well, i was never really close to him but still during my sec one and two years we hang out together. those were the days i would play soccer under the void deck and all. he never would speak much. he's a man of very lil words. he would just usually smile though. and i'll always remember him as a great soccer player. basically, he's an all round nice guy. its sad to see him leave this world. what more.... 4 days before hari raya. it must be very hard for the family to accept it. i read the article and the mum stated that he actually had requested for a black "baju kurong" this year. the mum already bought it but never had the chance to pass it to him.

it kinda made me realise that anyone can leave this world anytime. be it me, my friends or maybe even you reading this rite now. everyone is vulnerable. and there's no way one can run. i and i guess death is scary. i wonder how it'll be if my time comes. will i be missed? will i leave this world making my mark, leaving my dream? will i leave a legacy? i wont know. but if i were to leave just like that.... i hope people will forgive me for whatever wrong i've done. and to my friends, i'll miss you guys.

anyway... moving on to the lighter side of life. on friday softball club had a bbq. and i must say i had fun. and the food was alright lah. the most important thing is that i get to see the club getting together and working. plus... to meet up with the seniors and all. and... i dunno why but.... i was high. haha! just a note... there was no alcohol around.

and finally, some of u maybe asking why i choose this background song. well, i guess i just wanna be happy and stop all the emo shit for a moment. plus... i find this song damn sexy.

okay... i guess thats about it for now. i'll update soon

Preoccupied without you

2007-10-07T16:47:00.000+08:00

okay.... here i'am again. well... its been a lousy weekend as usual. catched up on my sleep, surfed the net, played games, chat and etc. the same old weekend routine. and come to think about it.... i live such a boring life. well, its not my fault. there's just never ppl ard me to hang out with. busy busy busy...

well... on the brighter note. tmr's monday.... and nope... i'm not looking forward to work. but instead... after work. well.... if some of you think its baracuda prac. well.. you're wrong. i'm gonna skip baracuda prac to meet up with Siewli. its been a long time since we meet each other. i'm really looking forward to tmr. gonna have fun!

as for work... looks like i'm gonna be piled up with typing and editing and cracking of my brains. i'm supposedly throwned a 'project' to complete. well... i have to come out with a simplified manual for the technicians with reference from RSAF technical orders and manuals. and guess what... its not one, not two... but a whole stack of them. and considering how thick RSAF manuals are.... its not an easy task. seems like i'm back in school.... never ending reading, summarising. haiz... i dunno when i'll be able to complete it. but... seems like my 4.5 months left for attachment will be filled with this stupid 'project'. i miss school!!

well.... seems like my life is almost preoccupied with many stuff. hmmmm.... kinda true... but.... like the tittle says... "Preoccupied Without You". there's just this part within me that is missing. and its not the greatest feeling to be missing sumthing.

oh ya.... if any doctor or nurse or health expert happen to pass by my blog, i need help. i've been spitting out blood. i guess its got sumthing to do with my throat. it just feels sore for the past 3-4 weeks. and... so far after all the cough mixtures, water... there's just no improvement. am i dying?? well... my tongue showing signs of it.... its turing yellow. if so... i guess i have to start writing my will... not forgetting my thank you and goodbye notes.

I NEED BEER. a sudden crave for it. i guess it must be all the stress swallowing me up.

2007-10-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

So now I realise oh how much I have tried. It's still the same, fighting sadness with all my might.

All the tears was only just a fraction.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2007-10-05T18:27:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

TGIF

2007-10-04T20:46:00.000+08:00

yay!! tmr's friday! yet another week has passed. well, although my weekends are super duper whooper boring to the MAX, i'm still looking forward to me cause it only means one thing... REST!

okay... where shall i start. hmmmm..... well, work has been alright this week. kinda slack actually. partly because my supervisor is not in the office with me. but i must say.... this week wasnt as bad as last week. cause... i spend most of my days at payar lebar air base. its my first time going there unsupervised. so..... it kinda feels good actually. i really feel like i'm actually working out there with the big ppl. i plan what to do, i prepare my own stuff before heading down to the airbase, i plan my time and most importantly... i'm answerable for whatever i do. and also... not forgetting the fun part, i knock off whenever i want and go wherever i want to. cool right?? haha! well, just as long as i dont get caught.

one thing about being at the air base is that.... it is super warm there! goodness.... the sun is like shining as if it owes me a decade of sunlight or sumthing. haha!! i think those who need a tan would definately appreaciate the sun for that. anyway... moving on, hmmmm.... well, i did the usual QAD stuff... checking of publications and etc. basically to prepare them for the upcoming audit. well, atleast thats what they say. from the way i see it, is that i'm saving their asses from the fire.

so.. the whole 'project' lasted till tdy. its kinda tiring going up and down between the airbase and office. although by car its super near... by legs... its so super inaccessible. but... well, what to do. they call it WORK for a reason. WORK=FORCE X DISTANCE.

here are some RESTRICTED pictures for all of you:

oh ya... since i'm at the topic of work. let me just mention this.... I'VE NOT GOTTEN MY PAY!! aargh!!! and it freaking irritating! damn it! i've got so much to pay and buy.... but.... no money! they say i'll most likely get it by next week. which can either be MONDAY or even FRIDAY!! aarrgghh!! so.... guys.... INDECO is not such a wonderful company afterall. I'LL NEVER WORK THERE EVER.

well, i've actually got alot to say. but, lets just keep it for other post. make the whole blog more interesting. haha! to end things off.... on a small note, i'm actually feeling alil down. or... in my normal words... EMO. i guess i'm thinking too much. aargh!! got to kick it out of my mind. FARHAN... YOU'VE GOT TO FOCUS!

I'm back blogging!!

2007-10-02T19:35:00.000+08:00

Okay.... my new blog is finally up!

Alright... to those who knows what happened to my previous blog, lets just keep it as history. I guess some things in life, one has to move on. No point brooding over it. I've lost all those precious memories from the blog but technically.... they are still in me. Let's just look at it from a brighter point of view... Its about time i created new memories in my life.

I guess this new blog of mine is not as 'personalized' as my previous one. Well, perhaps i just do not have the time to invest anymore. Or maybe.... i just takes time before i make it my own. Looks like the only thing i manage to salvage from my old blog would be my tagboard. But still... to my loyal readers out there. I promise you... the content is all me. I'll still be writing like i used to and there's no doubt about it. Only thing is that perhaps updates will be slow considering my busy busy schedule.

Well, i guess thats about it for now. I'll update some other time.

Life Is A Wonderland

Take care. I hope to see you soon.

I snapped

www.facebook.com

I cried as i wrote this for you.

Sacrifice

My diet regime begins tomorrow

Isit gonna be better this way?

11 Aug, 0107hrs

NDP 2009

Friends will never let me down

Words of wisdom

Am i lying to myself?

17 Days Later

Alil bit of everything

updates coming soon

Back to square 1

I thought my love was unbreakable... but i was wrong.

My wants for 2009

MP pop oh!!

Its Over!

16 days to my 2nd POP!!

A tribute to my grandma

3rd Week in MP

Wicked Aura's album out!!

2nd chapter of NS life is about to begin

POP photos

POP LOH!!! 100908

7 more weeks to POP!

First 2 weeks in BMTC

Final post before ENLISTMENT

Now Playing

Chapter 1: Define love....

Random Thoughts

Post Bday update

Living my life till 5th June!

Run!! I've got an infection!

Do this quiz!

Singapore Airshow 2008

A great Wednesday, Thursday & Friday!!

Wondering thoughts

A great week has passed...

Things happen for a reason...

Does anyone care??

Point to take note.

My Dream

It's back again...

Stressful day

Lessons on love

Hanhan steps into the arcade!

A dedication to my girl....

INTERIM REPORT COMPLETED!!!!

Happy New Year!! Have a blessed 2008

2007 Ritz Communications Dept. Christmas Party

Season Greetings!!

21/12/2007 - Sweet Beginning 22/12/2007 - Most unluckiest day

Awesome people who are single for no apparent reason

Post Performance Review

Baracuda Batucada

Can't help but wait - Trey Songz

The lighter side of life...

First malay post

The rise of the flu bug

7 days a week

Losing my mind

A dedication

Final Theory Test - FAIL

Rocking it out on stage!!

Get high and leave your worries behind

Hanz Code: 9 13'9'19'19 25'15'21

I owe Singtel!!

Nice wrap up for the week

Horoscope

Which Winnie the Pooh Character Are You?

My whole body is screwed

Questions left unanswered

Baking session!!

(WEAK)-end

You make me go bonkers!

Thinking is evil!